Dear Agony
by rikalynch
Summary: Dark twist on 5.08 Changing Channels. "What if we don't?" The trickster smiled, and snapped his fingers. Castiel appeared, hanging from a rope in the ceiling, choking him. "CAS!" Dean/Castiel, SamxSarah
1. Just Let Go Of Me

_I have nothing left to give_

_I have found the perfect end_

_You were made to make it hurt_

_Disappear into the dirt _

_Carry me to Heaven's arms _

_Like the way you let me go _

"What if we don't?"

The trickster smiled, and snapped his fingers. Castiel appeared, hanging from a rope in the ceiling, choking him.

"CAS!" Dean yelled, and ran to help him. The trickster threw him against the wall.

Castiel struggled, putting his hands under the rope.

"D'n," Castiel tried speaking. "Don't—let him win." He said weakly. "He will kill me."

Sam tried helping Castiel, but he too was thrown against a wall.

"_What do you want from us?" _Dean yelled.

"You know what I want. I want this over. I want you two to say yes."

"Sorry, but we don't always get what we want, _when_ we want it." Dean snapped.

Castiel coughed.

"Yes." Sam said. "I'll do it. Just… let him go."

The trickster 'Tsk-tsked.' "It's not that easy, boys. I need it from both ends. One yes just isn't good enough."

Castiel panicked, and looked at Dean, coughing again, the rope starting to burn his throat.

"Dean…"

"Yes. Okay? Yes. Now let me go." The trickster released Dean from the position he was in, stuck to the wall and floor. He quickly got up to help Castiel, and so did Sam.

Once Castiel was down, and Dean made sure he was okay, the trickster walked up to him. "I know you're lying. I only let him down because he's my brother."

"We're not lying." Dean hesitantly tried.

"I can read minds, you know that right?" The trickster said with a smile.

"Shit."

"Now, say it and mean it." He said, menacingly.

"Or what?" Dean stupidly asked.

The trickster just smiled. Suddenly, Castiel was on the ground, choking. Again.

"Cas!" Dean ran to aid him, and this time the trickster let him.

"Castiel are you okay?"

Castiel couldn't speak. He only shook his head no, tears rolling down his cheeks from pain.

"What are you doing to him?" Sam growled.

"A little bit of everything. Basically made every single part in his body hurt."

"Stop!" Dean yelled, but it was no use. Tears started rolling harder and faster. He wished he could help Castiel. Cas started to choke and he coughed, bringing up blood in the process. Sam got a towel and cleaned all the blood off Castiel's face.

Cas screamed and writhed in pain, and the trickster just sat there and laughed.

Something clicked.

"Wait… you said he was your _brother_?" Dean asked, leaving Sam to take care of Castiel for the moment.

"I didn't say that." The trickster smiled and laughed.

"Yes, you did."

"Son of a bitch! Alright… yes, I'm an angel. Happy?"

"No." Dean growled. Castiel screamed again and Dean ran back over to him, asking where it hurt.

"…everywhere…" Castiel mumbled, followed by another scream.

"Sam, help me. I'm gonna try and get him up on the bed."

"Okay." They tried to move him onto the bed as quickly as possible, to make sure they didn't hurt him any more.

Castiel clenched his teeth, trying to suppress a scream.

"Should we take him to a hospital?" Sam asked.

"I don't know…" Dean trailed off.

He walked up to the trickster and pinned him against the wall.

"Who are you?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out."

"Who are you?" He asked again, through clenched teeth.

The trickster let out an exasperated sigh.

"Gabriel."

"The arch-angel?"

"Ding, ding, ding!" Gabriel said.

Cas screamed. Dean growled. "Let him go."

"Or what?"

Dean sighed in defeat and walked back to Castiel. Gabriel laughed.

Dean grabbed the angel-killing knife Castiel carried with him and pinned Gabriel to the wall.

"Or else you die."

"Well then I'd rather go peacefully, if you don't mind."

"_Let him go!_"

"No." Gabriel smiled. Castiel coughed and fell unconscious.

"Dean, he's barely breathing."

"Gabriel." Dean said, voice cracking. "Look," He choked, a tear rolling sneakily down his cheek. "Just let him go. He's my best friend."

"No."

"If I kill you, does he stop hurting?"

"Yes."

"Then I kill you." Dean put the sword up to Gabriel's neck. "Any last words?"

"Yes." He said some things in Latin then nodded. Dean plunged the sword through his neck.

Castiel didn't wake up.

_Take the time to take my breath_

_I will end where I began_

_And I will find the enemy within_

_Cuz I can feel it crawl beneath my skin_

**TBC**

**PS: I MISSED YOU GUYS!**

**I don't even know why I stopped writing all of a sudden. Hellatus, maybe? I'm not sure. All I know is that I'm back and this story kind of sucks so far. :P **

**I got the idea last night while watching Changing Channels.**

**Reviews are love!**

**PPS: I might be coming out with an Alastair/Dean soon, for 67impalalover. I promised it to her a while ago. :)**


	2. Suffer Slowly

_Dear agony_

_Just let go of me_

_Suffer slowly_

_Is this the way it's gotta be?_

_Dear agony _

"Cas! Cas, can you hear me?" Sam shook Castiel's shoulders.

"He can't hear you, Sam. We… we let him die. Because we're stupid, selfish bastards."

"Dean, we are not!" Sam said, his pale blue-green eyes drowning in pain. Pain and fear, that he may lose yet another person close to him. Castiel, though closer to Dean, was one of Sam's best friends. He couldn't bear losing another one, he'd lost too much. He'd lost his mother, Jess, his father and even Dean a few times.

Sam and Dean sighed a breath of relief in unison when Castiel sputtered a little, opening his eyes just a crack. "D'n?" He immediately asked.

"We'll finish this argument later," Dean said, pointedly at Sam, but walking up to Castiel. "Are you okay? Whoa, take it easy, dude." He cautioned when Castiel began to cough again, blood shooting out of his mouth. Dean propped Castiel up on the headboard and Sam began to dab at his chin with a warm washcloth.

"Fine then. I'm a stupid selfish bastard." Dean whisper-yelled at Sam twenty minutes later, thinking Cas went back to sleep.

"Stupid? Yes. Selfish? No. Dean, you are one of the most selfless men I've ever met." Castiel muttered, obviously in pain.

"Cas, go to sleep." Dean ordered, staring right at Sam.

"No. I'm a grown man and I can care for myself." Castiel argued, wincing in pain with every syllable.

"No, you're a broken angel who needs rest." Dean argued back, walking over to Castiel, ending his argument with Sam. Dean sat on the side of the bed and rubbed comforting circles on Castiel's inner arm. "Can you please just get some rest, Cas? We don't need you hurt more than you already are. I…" Dean choked up a little. "We can't lose you, Cas. We've already lost… too much."

Castiel, seeing the tears in Dean's emerald green eyes, complied. He tried to get comfortable but he was too weak. Dean helped him into a comfortable position and took Castiel's trench coat, suit jacket and shoes off. Castiel nodded in thanks and then dozed off. Since Castiel was in Dean's bed, Dean headed over to the couch.

"You can take my bed if you want, Dean." Dean ignored him and kicked his shoes off, taking everything but his undershirt, boxers and socks off. He tried to get into a comfortable position on the couch and finally gave up on being comfortable.

Sam sighed and went off to bed himself.

X

Dean woke up on the floor next to the couch. He glanced at the clock, 6:32 A.M. _So much for a good night's sleep, _he thought and trudged into the bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror and then splashed water on his face. He never noticed before how old and tired he looked. He noticed the years worth of pain in his eyes, the hellfire still raging behind that. He saw the hate, love, and everything in between in his small, hesitant smiles. He saw fear, for Sam, for Castiel.

_Castiel._

He quickly ran out of the bathroom, to check on Castiel. Thankfully, he was still sleeping soundly on the bed, looking quite comfortable despite his predicament. Sam entered the motel room carrying three cups of coffee, one stacked on another. He also had a bottle of water and orange juice. He smiled awkwardly and mumbled something about not knowing what Castiel would want. He put the orange juice and water in the fridge and placed one cup of coffee on the table. He walked over to Dean and handed him a coffee. Dean smiled in thanks, not speaking a word, daring to wake Castiel.

Sam smiled awkwardly again when Dean realised that he was only wearing boxers, an undershirt, and his left sock. _I always take my damn socks off in my sleep. _He rolled his eyes. "Sorry about the… inappropriate attire…" Dean smiled. "I was just about to take a shower, but—"

"I'll take care of Castiel for you, and Dean, he'd be fine on his own for twenty minutes." Sam said.

"I know, it's just—"

"Go." Sam cut him off.

Dean obeyed and walked into the bathroom, stripping off the rest of his clothes tiredly. He turned the water on and stepped under the spray. He absent-mindedly scrubbed the same spot on his arm for about five minutes, before realising what he was doing. He wished he could wash away the memories, the hate, as easily as he did with the daily grime. He wished the thought of Castiel hurting would leave his mind, the pain of seeing him writhe in pain, scream and grind his teeth would just disappear. He wanted so badly to see Sammy normal again, and he cursed Jake Talley and the stupid yellow-eyed demon. A part of him wished Azazel was still alive so he could hunt the bitch down again.

He wanted his mother and father back the most. He missed the feel of soft, warm, loving hands on his shoulders, sweet, loving lips on his forehead and cheek and the soothing sound of his mother's harmonious voice lulling him softly to sleep. Hell, he even missed his father's orders, his hardness, and the way he treated them like nothing other than burdens. He knew deep inside John loved nothing more than them and Mary, but he'd always felt like a burden. With every "Yes, sir!" he said to his father, it added more pain to his head. He wished that his father would have just held him in his arms and rocked him to sleep every night, like a normal single father would.

_But I'm not normal. _

Dean sighed and stepped out of the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist, and stepped out of the bathroom. He padded over to his duffel and fished out some clothes, and walked back over to the washroom, putting them on with no emotion on his face, in his movements. He was just pulling his over shirt on when he heard a pained scream coming from the room.

He ran outside, expecting the worse, expecting to see Castiel in the most pain ever, or—God forbid—even dead. But Castiel was just grinding his teeth in pain while Sam watched helplessly from across the room.

"Cas! Cas, are you okay?" Dean rushed over to his side, staring him in the eyes. A tear fell down his cheek, and another, and another. Dean watched as Castiel writhed and wriggled in pain.

"Gnngh!" Castiel screamed. "Dean… make… it— STOP!"

A helpless, knowing tear escaped Dean's eye, rolling down his face.

"Aggh! D'n!"

"Cas, where does it hurt?" Dean stupidly asked. He already knew the answer. _Everywhere._

Castiel sobbed painfully. His eyes rolled back during a pained scream. He thrashed about, as if fighting a demon trapped in his body. Dean held his shoulders down, not sure if he was actually having a seizure or if he was in pain.

"Cas, man, you gotta talk to me." Dean managed, crying openly now. Castiel's back arched up as if someone were poking him with something hot. He screamed one more time before going completely limp.

"Cas!" Dean yelled. "Cas," he sobbed.

Castiel was lifeless. Dean watched the steady, pained rise and fall of his chest and shoulders, thankful for at least that. Dean jumped slightly when Sam put his large, comforting hand on Dean's shaking shoulder. Dean didn't realise he was crying until he looked up at Sam with the look of a lost, abandoned puppy.

Sam sat next to Dean and put an arm around his shoulders. Dean leaned into the touch and started sobbing freely, not caring how stupid and co-dependent he looked. Sam rubbed soothing circles on his shoulder.

And Dean cried. Dean cried for Cas, for his mom, for his dad, for Sam, Hell, even for Jessica. He cried for all the people he couldn't save, and how screwed up the people he did save now are. All the while, Sam sat with him.

He tried to imagine what a life without Sam would be like, and that, too, made him cry. Years of pent-up anger and agony all came pouring out. Dean cried for the normal life he didn't have, and for how many times he'd wake up in the middle of the night, shaken, sweaty and screaming. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore. Even then, he still sobbed and shook. After he was too weak to do either, and his every breath had become raspy, and his sobs were reduced to hiccups, he fell asleep in his younger brother's arms.

Sam carried Dean over to his own bed and laid him down. Sam wished he could help, he really did, but all he could do was sit and watch, just like Dean. Sam walked over to the couch, let a tear or two escape, and prayed.

**TBC**  
~

_Suddenly, the lights go out_

_Let forever drag me down_

_I will fight for one last breath_

_I will fight until the end_

_And I will find the enemy within_

_Because I can feel it crawl beneath my skin_

**HELLO, PEOPLE OF FAN-FICTION. I awarded you with an extra-long chapter (for my writing standards, anyways.) I promised myself I'd update this every day... but NO. XD So yeah, this was my all. I actually kind of liked it and I wish I didn't write it so that I could read it. Did that make sense?**

**Reviews are love!**


	3. Is This The Way It's Gotta Be? 3

_Dear agony _

_Just let go of me_

_Suffer slowly_

_Is this the way it's gotta be?_

_Don't bury me_

_Faceless enemy_

_I'm so sorry_

_Is this the way it's gotta be?  
_

_Dear agony _

Sam woke up the next morning in agony. Everything hurt. No matter which way he moved, it hurt. He imagined it couldn't be worse than Castiel's pain, but he was in so much fucking _pain _he wanted to strangle himself right then and there. But he knew he couldn't die, not today. Dean needed him.

_Dean. Where's Dean? _He scoped the room but Dean was nowhere in sight. He saw Castiel, still passed out from last night's ordeal, on Dean's bed. He heard the front door open and struggled to move his head. It was then that he realised he was asleep in his bed; and not on the couch where he fell asleep.

"Hey, Sammy," Dean said, with a broken smile. "How's it goin'?"

"Good," Sam lied. "Wh-what time is it?"

"Ten-fifteen." Dean checked his watch, giving Sam a knowing glance from under his eyelids.

"In the morning?" Sam said, groggily.

"No, night, even though the friggin' daylight suggests morning. Didn't you go to college?"

"Shut up," Sam said, and rolled over, trying to find a comfortable position, despite his agony.

Suddenly, a burst of pain ripped through him like a rapid spreading fire. An agonised scream caught him off guard, and he clenched his teeth and scrunched his face.

"Sam!" Dean ran over to him. He dropped to his knees next to Sam and shook his shoulders. "Dude, can you hear me?"

"Yeah." Sam replied curtly, in pain.

"What- what's happening?" Dean asked.

"'m just tired and in pain."

"'In pain' doesn't make you scream. An orgasm makes you scream." Dean laughed.

"Shut the hell up." Sam replied. "Did he… did he wake up or anything?"

"No. I'm starting to get worried, man. He—"

"I know, Dean. Hey, don't put this on your shoulders. This isn't your fault! Dean, listen to me. We've lost people. We've lost mom, dad, I've lost Jess. We've lost each other. And that wasn't our fault. Still, we stayed strong, and we stayed together. Dean, you're all I have left, and I know that me and Cas are all _you_ have left."

"Yeah, man, I know it's just… I can't lose him. He… he saved me. You can really get a good grip on a relationship with someone when they pull you outta hell. Hey, get some rest, okay?"

"Yeah, okay." Sam said, and rolled over. He was almost immediately asleep.

X

_Cas, you— you gotta wake up, man. I can't live without you. I mean, it sounds corny and all, but I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for you. I'd still be in hell, torturing all those souls that don't— please, man, you gotta… _Dean sat beside Castiel and thought at him, trying to get him to pick it up telepathically. He knew it wouldn't work, but he tried anyways.

He let a few tears roll down his cheek and he wiped them away. "Cas… please."

Castiel breathed raspy, broken breaths in response.

"Castiel," Dean used his real name for the first time in a long time.

Dean let a tear fall and grabbed Castiel's wrist. He felt Cas's irregular pulse and a sob ripped through him. "Castiel… what am I gonna do without you?"

Castiel's pulse slowed. His breathing came to a halt. "_CAS!_"

"Dean, what's wrong?"

"Sammy, call 911!" Dean yelled, and pressed his mouth to Castiel's, breathing into it. He did this once more then started compressions.

_One-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight-nine-ten,_ Dean counted in his head.

"They should be here right away." Sam said.

_Seventeen-eighteen-nineteen-twenty-twenty—one-twenty—two, _He ignored Sam, focused on saving Castiel.

After the usual thirty compressions, Dean checked to see if Castiel was breathing yet. He brothe for Cas twice more then started another round of compressions.

How Dean longed to see Castiel's lucid blue eyes, to see his small grin, hear his gruff, raspy voice. To make references Cas didn't understand, to see him do that cute little head tilt.

…_Cute. Yeah… I guess it is cute._

X

Two weeks, and still nothing. Castiel wouldn't wake up. No matter the amount of praying, crying, begging done, he was still comatose.

"Castiel…" Dean said. "Look, man, I've been talking like this for weeks, and… and it's not working. You're just sleeping. Dude, you've gotta wake up, I think you've slept long enough. We've… You pulled me out of hell. I never got to truly thank you for that. I just… I just wanted you to know that I really am thankful." Dean—and if you asked him about it later, he'd say he was caught up in the moment—took Castiel's hand. "I really am. I hated hell. And I wish… I wish I could take your place right now. Seeing you like this is worse then hell itself. Worse than torturing, being tortured. It's… it's almost as bad as seeing Sammy hurt. Cas… you gotta wake up. I… I need you."

Sam stood at the doorway, leaning on the frame. He watched his brother plead for Castiel to wake up, and let a tear escape. He couldn't let his brother lose one of the most important people to him. That had already happened with Jessica and he couldn't let it happen to Dean, Dean had lost too much already.

"Cas, please," Dean pleaded, broken. "Please." He whispered.

Sam could practically hear the pain in Dean's whisper, how much it hurt him just to speak to Castiel when he was in that state. He wished he could help. He wished he could switch places with Castiel. He could imagine Gabriel popping up and stating "That could be arranged." He imagined himself falling onto the floor with a heart attack or something unoriginal—just like Gabriel's humour.

That was when Sam realised he couldn't breathe, and he was actually on his knees, suffering a heart attack.

"SAM!" Dean yelled. "SAM! _Help, we need a doctor!_ _SAM!"_

X

Dean was torn. As soon as Sam dropped to his knees, unable to breathe, Castiel woke up. Just woke right up. Gasping for air, and everything, the way they'd do it in movies. Dean knew something supernatural was up, because it takes a lot of energy to wake up from something like a coma. It feels like there's bricks on your eyes, and you can't lift them off. And when you wake up, all you wanna do is go back to sleep. Castiel seemed eager to talk. Dean was too, he was happy as could be because he could finally talk to Cas and get a response.

But more importantly… twenty-six year olds don't just get heart attacks like that. Especially healthy, sasquatch twenty-six year olds. That's when Dean knew something was up…

Castiel pinned it on Gabriel. Dean told him Gabriel was dead, and Castiel had an upset, dejected face. Dean realised that, yes, they had just killed his brother, but they had no other choice.

"You never know, he could of… no, that's not possible… well maybe—no, probably not. Um… yeah, I've got nothing." Cas said, weakly.

"Get some rest. Don't go all Mr. Comatose on us again though."

"Okay." Castiel was almost asleep before he was done his nod.

X

Once Castiel was asleep, he walked outside the hospital as calmly as he could. He got into the Impala, and just started driving. He didn't know where, he was just driving. He wiped tear after angry tear off of his face.

About two miles away, he pulled into a bar parking lot, where he had a few beers. A few girls approached him, hoping to get laid and normally he'd agree in a heartbeat, but right now all he could think about was Sam.

He wanted to drive back to the motel, and wanted to make sure he'd be able to without crashing. He first drove to a liquor store, got two bottles of whisky and a six-pack and made his way back to the motel.

When he got there, he cracked open the first whisky bottle and took a swig. The burn against his throat was familiar, he loved every minute of it. He took another sip and put the bottle between his legs. He ripped his jacket off and leaned against the headboard. He drank until the bottle was gone and he was swaying. Nothing ever quite calmed him like this.

He liked drinking. It took away the pain. When you're drunk, you're happy. That's that.

He drank about half of the other bottle before he started to feel too drunk for anything. He heard his phone ring but the only response he could come up with was a hiccup. He took one more drink before capping the bottle. He placed it on the bedside table and got into a semi-comfortable position, one he would regret when sober.

With that, he fell asleep. Oh, how he loved his whisky lullaby.

**TBC**

_Leave me alone_

_God let me go_

_I'm blue and cold_

_Black sky will burn_

**This has got to be my quickest update _evar._ Probably because I love this story. I also love reviews, *hint hint, wink wink* **

**I AM NOW HOLDING THE NEXT CHAPTER RANSOM FOR 20 REVIEWS! No, I'm totally kidding, and I kinda hate when people do that. I love reviews... but holding a chapter ransom... XD**

**Okay, on a side note... I hate myself for this cliffie. And to torture you Sam lovers, (Rit, Elaine, XD) the next chapter will probably be mostly Dean and Castiel. But, since Ritu requested a Sam!Centric chapter, there shall be one.**

**I'm up for requests, but just for this story right now. If I get a request for another one, I will get distracted and poor _Dear Agony _will get left behind.**

**Seems the song is coming to an end, but the story sure as hell isn't! I might use another Breaking Benjamin song, such as Away, Without You or Anthem of the Angels. **

**New chapter coming soon, sorry for the long author's note. **

***Insert RWJ here* But you know what's never a long author's note? The comment question of the day, which comes from the user-name *bing* and she said... **

**Thanks so much for all the reviews! I love you all, and so does Cas/Sam/Dean/Supernatural man of your choice. XD**


	4. Don't Bury Me

_Love pull me down_

_Hate lift me up_

_Just turn around_

_There's nothing left_

When Castiel woke up, he felt alone. Dean wasn't by his side for the first time in weeks. This sent worried thoughts to his head, and concerned him that Sam might have—_No, Castiel, don't let yourself think that. Sam is strong. So is Dean. _

"Hey, Cas," Dean trudged into the room, holding a half-empty water bottle. He looked utterly and genuinely _tired. _He never got any rest, always going back and forth between Sam and Castiel. Cas wished he could help. "You're up earlier than usual."

"You should get some sleep," Castiel let escape. "You look really tired."

"I'm really stressed. Sam—Sam isn't looking too good. The doctors say that he might-"

"Screw the doctors, Dean. Sam's strong." Castiel said sternly.

"Not… not anymore. He's so weak, every time I look at him he looks like he's closer to dying."

"Well, he's not. Hey, don't let yourself think that. He'll be fine." Castiel calmed Dean.

"What makes you so sure?" Dean snapped.

"Because I won't let anything happen to him." Cas assured. "I promise."

"Thanks," Dean said, and looked around the room awkwardly. He kicked the doorframe a couple times and clicked his tongue.

"Go be with Sam, he needs you more than I do."

"Thanks," Dean repeated and walked out of the room.

X

"De?" Sam asked when Dean sat beside him and took his hand.

"Yeah, Sammy, I'm here. How ya doing?"

"Mmph." Sam replied.

"Yeah, I know you're tired."

"Love you, De." Sam struggled.

"I know, I love you too, Sammy," Dean said and let a tear fall. "I need you to get better, buddy."

"'m trying, De."

"I know you are, Sam. I…" Dean stopped, tears rolling down his face. He angrily wiped them away and cursed himself for being so stupid. "I can't lose you, buddy."

"I know, D'n, I can't lose you either. Love you…" Dean could tell it was getting really hard for Sam to talk; he was just so damn tired.

"I'm gonna let you sleep, okay bud?" Dean pushed Sam's chestnut locks out of his eyes.

"M'kay. D'n, don't leave." Sam pleaded, lost.

"I won't. I'm right here. I always will be." Dean choked.

Sam responded with a light snore. Dean rubbed Sam's arm absently until Sam fell into a deeper sleep. Dean looked at Sam one last time before he got up, and he caught himself giving Sam a kiss on the forehead, like he used to do when they were little and Sam would get sick.

He walked to Cas's room and sighed in relief when he saw that at least Castiel was okay. Actually, Castiel was more than okay. He was sitting upright in his bed, leafing through a magazine, not actually caring about it. "Dean?" Cas asked without looking up.

"What?" Dean raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing, I just wanted to know if it was you." Cas stared at the wall.

"Oh."

"How's… how's he doing?" Castiel asked, and Dean sat down next to him on the bed.

"Not good. He looks like… He's so fragile, Cas, I'm afraid to even touch him, he looks like he'll break. I… I don't know what to do." Dean said, crying tears of frustration.

Castiel put his arm around Dean and squeezed. "I can't really say it'll be okay, but Dean, I will not let anything happen to Sam."

"Thanks," Dean sniffled. "I just feel so helpless. I can't do anything to make him better." Dean put his head on Castiel's shoulder. He wanted Sam to be okay. Suddenly, he stood up and walked out of the room. Castiel stared at the doorway for twenty minutes, emotionless.

X

"God damnit, what am I supposed to do?" Dean spoke to himself. He was lying on the motel-room bed, only half sure how he got there. He had a beer in his hand, which he was already almost done. He didn't know what he was gonna do without Sammy.

The door opened, and Dean reached under his pillow for his gun. When he saw that it was just Castiel, he immediately stood up to help him.

"Dean, I'm fine." Castiel walked over to the chair next to Dean's bed and sat down.

"What are you doing here? And how did you get here?"

"I didn't require the hospital's assistance anymore, and a bus."

Dean laughed. "Want a beer?" Dean held out a can. Castiel shook his head. "You sure?" Dean asked, smiling. Castiel rolled his eyes, sighed, and took it.

X

Three hours later, when Dean was fairly drunk, he just stopped talking and stared at Castiel. Castiel, almost as drunk as Dean, shifted uncomfortably under Dean's glare.

"I- I think I should have a drink for each person I've ever saved." Dean suddenly blurted out.

"That's a bad idea, Dean, you'd die."

"Good. I want to die." Dean said, and looked at the ground. Castiel stood up and walked over to Dean, standing right in front of him, towering for the moment.

"Dean, listen to me," Castiel said sternly, grabbing Dean's shoulders. "You are not worthless. You are not selfish. You are wonderful, okay? You are the most selfless, hilarious, tasteful man I've ever met. And I mean that. You deserve more than I can give you, Dean."

And with that, Dean grabbed Castiel's elbows, pulled him down right next to his face and kissed him. Dean stood up; his lips still pressed to Castiel's, and knotted his fingers in Cas's hair. He deepened the kiss, Castiel grabbed Dean's hair too. Cas put his weight against Dean so they were both on the bed, and Castiel put his legs around Dean's hips.

Every time Dean's tongue hit against Castiel's, he thought about Sam. Every time Cas ground his hips against Dean's, he thought about Sam. Every time he broke the kiss temporarily, he thought about Sam. All he could think about was Sam. Every part of him was enjoying the kiss, but his main concern was Sam.

He finally decided that Sam was a grown man, and he could care for himself for one night. Dean shrugged his jacket off, not breaking the kiss—he wouldn't dare ruin this moment he'd been wanting since he first saw Castiel. Cas shed his trench coat and soon enough they were both only wearing their pants, too wrapped up in the kiss at the moment to remove them.

X

Dean woke up the next morning, head pounding, wrapped up in the sheets, cuddling the pillow.

_Where are my pants?_ Was his first thought. Then he remembered. _I slept with Castiel. Sweet. Where is Cas?_

Dean got up, and stumbled around for his jeans, which he put on quickly. He walked into the bathroom, expecting to find Castiel there. But he wasn't.

"Cas?" He called. No response. He opened the door and saw Castiel sitting on the hood of his car, staring at the sky. Castiel was only wearing his pants, socks, and suit jacket.

"Cas, what's up?" Dean said, and sat next to him.

"Nothing. My head really hurts though." Dean jumped off the hood and walked around to the back of the car.

"Yeah, mine too. That'd be a hangover." Dean called, while searching through his duffel. He grabbed the bottle of aspirin and closed the trunk. Dean walked up to the hood of the car again and sat back down next to Castiel. "Not the best experience, but it's a reminder that you had a good night." He commented while twisting the cap off, and shaking four into his hand. He handed two to Castiel and swallowed his pills dry. Castiel did the same, and coughed a little.

They sat there in silence for a few minutes, staring at the sky, each other and the ground.

"Do you remember what happened last night?" Dean asked.

"No." Castiel said and shook his head. "Do you?"

"Yeah, slightly." Dean smiled.

"What happened?" Castiel did that little head tilt of his and Dean was sure that if he wasn't in such a bad mood and his head didn't hurt so much, that he would have kissed him right then and there.

"I'm gonna go take a shower." Dean said and lifted himself off of the hood of his car, being extra careful to not scratch her paint job and avoid Castiel's glare.

"Dean!" Castiel said, but Dean smiled and ignored him, walking back into the room. Castiel sighed angrily and lowered his back so he was lying down. He rested his head against the windshield and stared at the sky. Soon enough, his head stopped hurting and his nausea went away. He let himself wonder what happened last night, and dozed off.

X

Dean exited the bathroom, dressed once again in only jeans. He pulled on his socks and grabbed a t-shirt. He scanned the room and there was no sign of Castiel, so he figured that Cas was still on the car. He opened the door and sure enough, there was Castiel, lying down on the hood. Dean trudged up to his baby, and lie down with Cas. Castiel had his right arm across the bottom of the windshield, and his left over his face. Dean adjusted himself so it was more comfortable for both him and Castiel as Dean was now on Cas's arm. Castiel stirred a little but didn't wake up.

Dean allowed himself to smile at how freaking _cute _Cas was when he slept. Then Dean realised what he was doing, and that was watching Castiel sleep. He blushed but didn't look away.

"Cas?" He said. Castiel moaned and opened his eyes. "Morning, sunshine!" Dean exclaimed with fake happiness.

"What do you want?" Castiel grumbled.

"Remind me not to wake you up, then. Come on, the sun's coming out more now, you're gonna want to get inside."

"Why?" Cas asked.

"Because the car is black which means more heat, and you're really white so you'll probably burn. Get inside."

"Mmkay," Castiel said and tried to go back to sleep.

"Okay, that's it," Dean said, and lifted Castiel off of the hood.

"Wha-?"

Dean didn't speak as he carried Castiel into the room, and laid him down on the bed. Castiel almost immediately fell back asleep, and Dean smiled. Dean walked out of the room, and closed the door as silently as he could, making sure to make the least noise he could locking it, and made sure to check that it was locked securely.

He got into his car, and started the engine. Dean drove to the closest diner and ordered pancakes and black coffee, taking his time to eat. He made sure to get something for Cas and drove back to the motel. He shoved the key in the lock and turned it, trying to make noise. He whipped open the door and jokingly called, "Honey, I'm home!" Castiel groaned and looked at Dean with one eye open, and the pillow in a death grip. Dean smiled and sang to himself, "_Exit light, enter night, take my hand, we're off to never-never land._" Castiel looked at him weird and tried to go back to sleep.

"Nope, you're waking up."

"Mmph," Castiel huffed in complaint.

Dean walked over to Castiel and yelled in his ear, "_Wake up!_"

Castiel sighed and sat up, and a hand flew to his mouth, the other to his stomach.

"You okay, man?" Dean asked, hand on Castiel's shoulder. Castiel shook his head, removed his hand from his mouth and tried to stand up. He sighed in defeat and looked at Dean with puppy-dog eyes. Dean smiled a little and helped Castiel stand up. Castiel swayed a little and ended up leaning heavily on Dean. "I think you should go back to sleep. C'mere," Dean helped Castiel lay back down. Castiel grabbed the pillow again, so he was hugging it, but his head was still on it. Dean smiled at this and let Castiel sleep.

He decided there was really nothing to do so he sat on the chair and clicked his tongue for five minutes, deep in thought. These thoughts were about Sammy, his mom, his dad, Castiel, and all the things that had brought him to this day.

He stood up, straightened his jacket, and left. He made sure the lock was secure, like always, and drove off to the hospital.

When Dean got to the hospital, something in his mind told him to hurry to Sam's room. So he did. He ran through the hospital, trying not to knock down any nurses or patients on the way. The six-floor elevator ride was like hell, but when he finally got to Sam's floor, he was relieved. He bolted to Sam's room, saying the number over and over in his head. _7176, 7176, 7176, 7176. _He took the final left turn, and slowed down. _You're being stupid, Dean, he's probably fine. _He walked into Sam's room, happy to finally see his brother.

Sam was nowhere to be seen.

**TBC **

_Somewhere far beyond this world_

_I feel nothing anymore_

**Okay, guys, you know I love you because I lost half this document in a terrible crash-computer crash that is! :P I hate Windows xp with a burning passion now. Anyways, back to why I love you. I tried for a while to recover it when BAM, I find half of it. That's better than nothing, and I remembered what it was about, so I started writing and I made sure it was better the second time around. Here you go, guys.**

**Oh, and by the way, I'm going on a month-long trip and I won't have any access to the internet until September 1st. Sorry, guys. **

**LOL, I'm totally kidding, Elaine would KILL me if I left it like this. No trip. Not leaving. Love my computer. Even if it crashes. But, I am leaving on the 15th and having someone come down to bunk with me on the sixth and until then, so chapters might get short. (This is indication that I want this story to last a while.)**

**Sorry if you didn't enjoy the Dean/Castiel in there, and if you're going to stop reading because of that then I am very, truly sorry. My defense? They were drunk. **

**Well, enjoy the cliffie and let your imaginations go crazy!**

**By the way, hands up if you enjoyed the extra long chapter. I sure enjoyed writing it (even though writing it twice stressed me out) a lot more than I thought I would!**

**Peace, love and Castiel! **


	5. Faceless Enemy

_**This chapter is only Dean and Castiel. Lots of Dean/Castiel in the end. In case you hate it. Elaine. -.-**_

___Dear agony_

_Just let go of me_

_Suffer slowly_

_Don't bury me_

_Faceless enemy_

_I'm so sorry _

_Is this the way it's gotta be?_

_Dear agony_

Dean frantically ran to the floor's secretary. "Do you know where my brother is?"

"Um, I'll need more than that, sir. What's your brother's name?"

"Aaron. Aaron Fink." Dean said, on the verge of tears. "Really tall, about six-four. Brown hair, greenish blue eyes."

"What's your name, sir?"

"Mark James."

"Okay, one second Mark." She typed and clicked, and after what seemed to be three-thousand years, she finally said, "I'm sorry, sir, but he… he passed away last night."

"No. No, no he didn't. Check again. Please." She checked, but the results were the same. "This is all my fault! Oh my God, this is all my fault. A tear fell down his cheek."

"I'm very sorry for your loss, sir. If there's anything… _anything _I can do," she said, running her pen across her lips.

"No, thank you," Dean said, wiped a tear from his cheek and walked away. He stormed out to the Impala and turned the key. He started driving and got back to the motel in record time.

"Cas," he whipped the door open. "Castiel!" Cas shook his head and woke up.

"Hm? Dean, what's wrong?"

"Sam— Sam…" He sniffled. He stood there, motionless, staring at Castiel. Three tears fell, one by one and he dropped to his knees, head in his hands. "Sam's dead.

"Dean," Castiel said and rushed over. He put his arms around the man's shaking shoulders and squeezed tight.

"I let him die Cas. One night without him and he died. I'm a terrible brother."

"Dean, no you're not. " Castiel took Dean's jacket off of him and helped him get his shoes off. "You're not."

"He's gone, Castiel. How am I s'posed to… What am I supposed to do?"

"Carry on." Castiel soothed, rubbing his hand on Dean's back.

"I can't… I can't just forget him and pretend he isn't dead, Cas." He said, sobbing. "I can't just forget 'im. I love him too much."

"I'm not telling you to forget, Dean. I'm telling you to hold on to what you had in your heart and carry on. The world still needs saving."

"I can't, Cas. I can't." Dean sobbed.

"I can help, Dean. I'll always be here. For you." Castiel assured, still rubbing Dean's back. He used his other hand to stroke Dean's left cheek and then wipe away his tears with his thumb.

Dean didn't have anything to say to that. He just closed his eyes really tight, allowed a few more tears to escape and nodded his head. "Okay. But I need some time."

Castiel nodded in agreement. They sat in silence for a while, Castiel rubbing Dean's back and sniffling, and Dean sobbing brokenheartedly.

"Are you hungry?" Castiel asked. Dean nodded sheepishly. Castiel helped Dean stand up and led him into the bathroom, where Dean splashed water on his face while leaning heavily on the counter.

Castiel held his hands out for Dean's keys, which he reluctantly reached out to give to him. "Do you know how to—"

"Yes." With that, Dean handed him the keys and allowed Castiel to guide him to the car. They drove to a diner where Dean sat right next to Castiel in the booth. Cas didn't question him, but he gave Dean a weird look.

"What will you two be having to drink?" The young, beautiful bubbly brunette waitress asked, her blue eyes shining genuinely.

"Coffee, black," Dean muttered. Castiel looked lost. "Pepsi." She smiled and walked away.

"What the hell is—"

Dean cut him off. "You'll like it, trust me." Castiel responded by smiling.

"Do you know what you'll be having?" The waitress smiled, placing their drinks in front of them.

"Cheeseburger, extra onions," Dean said.

Castiel picked up his menu, dropped it, and said, "Same."

The waitress walked away and Castiel took Dean's hand in his. "Listen, Dean, I'm so, so sorry I couldn't do anything."

"It's not your fault, Cas," Dean said, staring into Castiel's beautiful, truthful ocean blues. Tears filled his pained, lucid emerald greens but he never broke the stare.

"I don't know what this is…" Castiel said.

"What?"

"This emotion I'm feeling."

"What's it feel like?" Dean asked, staring, searching Castiel's eyes, as if he could read his soul through them.

"Like I never want to let go of your hand because I love the way it feels so rough, it feels perfect, like home. Like I want to grab your face right now, place my lips on your perfect ones and stay like that. Like I… Like I love you."

"I don't know what to say, Cas." Dean admitted.

"I'm sorry. This is really sudden, and I know you don't love me back, it's just—Excuse me." He said, and stood up, but Dean grabbed his arm and pulled him back down.

"Castiel. You know I love you. I… I don't think I can love you like _that…_ Not now, man. And…"

"And what? I apologize for the inappropriate timing."

"And I can't…" Dean paused. "I can't be with you."

"I knew this was a bad idea, telling you. I'm sorry, okay? Can we just carry on? New topic?"

"If you'd listen, God damnit Castiel! I can't be with you, because I can't commit, and you know that! And, I don't want you to be hurt. I… can't let you get hurt."

"I can take care of myself. All I need to complete the picture is you, Dean." He grasped his hand again and squeezed. "Just agree."

"I feel like I'm getting proposed to." Dean half-smiled. "But yes, definitely. " He kissed Castiel's 5 o'clock shadow.

Castiel leaned against the wall, his arm around Dean's shoulder. He sighed. "What?" Dean asked.

"Can I get out?" Castiel asked. Dean stood up and Castiel slid to the end of the seat.

"What's wrong?" Dean asked. "You like kinda green. Do you wanna go back?"

"No, I'll be fine." Castiel walked to the bathroom and Dean watched his every step.

When Cas entered the bathroom, he immediately looked at himself in the mirror. He heard his stomach grumble and smiled at his hunger. He left and sat back down next to Dean. He grabbed Dean's hand and smiled. The waitress came with their food and placed it in front of them.

Dean lunged at his burger and Castiel snacked at his fries. By the time Dean was half way through his burger, Castiel had finished all of twenty fries.

"What's wrong?" Dean asked, in his own personal Heaven because of the great tasting burger.

"I guess I'm just not hungry."

"You wanna go back?" Dean asked him.

"When you're done."

"Well, I think I'm pretty much done, so we can go." He got the waitresses attention and waved her over. "Cheque, please?"

"Sure."

They got back to the motel, and Castiel ripped off his trench coat as soon as they were in the door. He smiled, walked over to Dean and ripped his jacket off. Dean smiled and pressed his lips to Castiel's, and Cas threaded his fingers in Dean's hair. Dean did the same and smiled into the kiss as he shedded his shirt, and Castiel did the same with his suit jacket. He began to unbutton it without breaking the kiss but Dean just ripped it right off. Cas went to remove the tie but Dean put his hand over Cas's to stop him.

Dean ran his tongue against Castiel's mouth, asking permission. Castiel opened his mouth and Dean moved his tongue into it. Castiel immediately pulled away.

"What's wrong?" Dean asked, ready to start making out again. Castiel groaned. "What?"

"I think 'm gonna be sick," Castiel muttered, and with that he ran into the bathroom and did so.

Dean chased after him and without delay started rubbing soothing circles on Castiel's back. Cas retched.

After about ten minutes of absently running his fingers through Castiel's hair and rubbing his back, Dean realized he had been rubbing "_Sam_" over and over.

_I feel nothing anymore_

**This was kinda rushed, sorry about that. **

**The names I used (Aaron Fink, Mark James) are musical references. If Cas would have had an alias, it would've been Chad Szeliga. :) Breaking Benjamin references FTW. And I hate to write Castiel's vegitarian side in here. XD **

**I should be back to writing, and writing _good _soon. Keep tuned (:**


	6. I'm So Sorry

_Screaming on the inside_

_I am frail and withered _

_Cover up the wounds_

_That I can't hide_

Castiel woke up in a dark room, on the floor, alone. He was clutching the only thing he owned- Dean's amulet.

_Dean. Where is Dean? _

"Sorry, bro. Dean isn't here. It's just me and you."

"Gabriel?" Castiel asked, his voice weak and tired.

"Yep. How did you like your stay at the hospital?" Gabriel asked with a smile.

"You son of a bitch, you killed Sam!" Castiel said angrily, and sat up.

"Guilty."

"I'm going to tear you to shreds, you _dick._" Castiel's teeth-clenched spoken words spewed venom.

"I'd like to see you try." Gabriel smirked and twisted his hand a little bit.

"That doesn't hurt." Castiel said, looking Gabriel in the eyes. Gabriel twisted his hand a little more, and Castiel shook his head, egging Gabe on.

Gabriel flicked his wrist and Castiel clenched his teeth, and squinted his eyes a bit. Pain in his abdomen burned like an angry forest fire. "Why, Gabriel?"

"Get them to say yes. Or you die."

"I can't get _them _to say yes, you killed Sam!" Castiel coughed and spit blood out.

"No, I didn't. That's just what you think. You also think that Dean killed _me._ But here I am." Gabriel teased.

"Fine. Just… let me go." Castiel pleaded. "Dean needs me."

Gabriel sighed, rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers.

Castiel woke up.

He gasped for air and sat up, wide eyed. Dean, who had been sitting on the chair next to the bed, dozing off, looked at Castiel. "You okay?"

Castiel shook his head.

"What's wrong?" Dean asked, moving swiftly to Castiel's side, sitting next to him and rubbing his thumb along his cheekbone.

"Gabriel's not dead, he's—" Castiel choked and sobbed. He couldn't control the tears and didn't even know he was crying until he tried to speak. "He's going to kill me next."

"Son of a bitch." Dean whispered. Castiel brokenheartedly sobbed. Dean hugged him close, placing his lips on the top of Castiel's head. "It's okay, Cas," he comforted. "I won't let him touch you, even if- even if he has to kill me to get to you. He won't touch you." Castiel nodded in thanks and then sobbed again.

"I don't wanna die… I don't want you to die." Castiel spoke softly, with the innocence of an eight year old. Dean could hear the fear in his voice and knew that Gabriel was stone set on killing Castiel and whoever got in the way of that.

"We aren't gonna die Cas. I'll protect you. I promise." Dean shed a tear. "No one will ever hurt you, angel. I'll kill them."

Castiel smiled brokenly and leaned his head on Dean's shoulder. "Thank you," he sniffled.

"No problem," Dean said and wiped Castiel's tears off his face. "I'll always be here, Cas. That, you can count on."

"I know. You never wanna seem to stay dead," Castiel half-smiled with tears still in his eyes. It was absolutely _adorable._ Dean wiped another tear off of Castiel's face and started playing absent-mindedly with his hair. Castiel grabbed Dean's other hand and played with his fingers, rubbing his thumb on Dean's ring. Dean smiled and looked down at his legs. Castiel realised how turned on he was by Dean. Everything about Dean made him happy. His hair, his eyes, his perfect lips. His strong, caring arms, his perfectly toned legs… Oh, my _God,_ those legs. He blushed when he realised that his pants had started to become slightly tighter and lowered his head in shame.

He looked up at Dean under his eyelashes and saw Dean was doing the same. Castiel raised his head and Dean followed suit. They sat there, staring into each other's eyes for about five minutes when suddenly Dean lunged at him. He threaded his fingers in his hair and crushed his lips against Castiel's. Castiel grabbed the back of Dean's head and neck and pulled him in closer. Castiel leaned against Dean so that they were both lying down. He broke the kiss to kiss Dean's neck, licking and biting. He left a trail of kisses up the side of Dean's neck and laid his mouth on Dean's once more.

"Castiel," Dean breathed, only breaking the kiss slightly. "You don't know what you _do_ to me," he moaned.

Castiel kissed Dean's cheek lightly. "Humour me then," he whispered alluringly. "What do I do to you?"

Dean moaned and kissed Castiel again. "You make me _happy,_" he breathed into the kiss.

"How happy?" Castiel asked.

"Happier than ever," Dean responded and moaned again. Castiel licked Dean's lips, making Dean shudder and buck his hips into Castiel's. "Castiel, please," he complained. "Stop teasing."

And with that, Cas lunged right at Dean's belt buckle with a smile.

X

"Castiel," Dean whispered after the ecstasy he had just experienced. He rolled onto his side and Castiel did the same. "You are amazing." He kissed Castiel's lips. Castiel smiled and rolled over. "What?" Dean asked.

"'m tired…" Cas mumbled. With that, he closed his eyes and in about fourty-five seconds he was snoring lightly. Dean smiled and rolled his eyes. He made sure Castiel wasn't cold by putting the blanket over the sleeping man. He shuffled over to the bathroom and turned the hot water on and stepped under the spray.

After twenty minutes of angry, absent-minded vigorous scrubbing, he stepped out and dried himself off. He walked out of the bathroom with a towel hastily wrapped around his waist and grabbed his boxers and jeans. He slipped them on and walked back into the bathroom to find another towel. He dried his hair with that one and then rested his palms on the counter, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He saw Sam in his eyes. They hadn't looked alike, but for some reason looking at his eyes had always reminded him of Sammy.

Thinking about Sam made his senses start up. The voice in his head was screaming at him, tauntingly, _Sam's dead. Sam's dead. Sam's dead. _And a wave of emotion hit him like a bullet. Tears filled his eyes and he stood there, hands still on the counter, supporting all his weight.

His nose started to itch and tingle, and he sneezed hard enough to make his hands slip. His head whacked against the counter with a thud and he fell to the ground, limp.

**TBC **

_Walls that lie between us _

_The saint within the sinner _

_I have lost the nerve_

_But it's all right_

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've been sick. :( And hey, don't you just love my cliffhangers? I've started using another song (Into the Nothing, Breaking Benjamin [thanks, Elaine]), implying that the story won't be ending soon. If you have any ideas or requests for this story, throw them at me! I'm starting to run short on ideas and I want this story to get to at least 15,000 words. :) **

**Enjoy the small break from now until the next chapter. By the way, I'm leaving on Friday for a few days, but the car trip will be five hours there and back so that gives me a lot of writing time on my laptop! See you guys soon!**

Love you all! :D 


	7. Is This The Way Its Gotta Be? 7

_Carry the wounded _

_And shut your eyes_

_All will be forgiven_

_None will rise_

**X**

_"Castiel, listen," Dean said, lying down next to Castiel on the bed. "I know that you love me and all, and don't get me wrong, I love you more than anything in the world, but I think we need some time apart."_

"_W-why?" Castiel asked. "I love you, Dean!" _

"_I'm sorry Castiel. I have to go." And with that, Dean disappeared out of sight._

"_Dean!" Castiel called out into the darkness. "Dean."_

Castiel woke up with a start and he sat there, sweating and grabbing at covers. He felt around beside him but Dean wasn't there. "Dean?" He called out.

He heard shuffling in the bathroom. He was probably just taking a shower, then. Castiel laid back down and stared at the ceiling. He heard Dean sneeze violently, then heard a thud. "Dean?" He called. No answer. "Dean!" He shot up out of the bed and ran to the bathroom. "Oh my God," he said when he saw Dean lying on the floor, wearing only his jeans, knocked out. "Gabriel, you sonovabitch." He knelt down next to Dean, tears welling up in his eyes. "Dean, can you hear me?" He said, and shook Dean's shoulders.

He put his fingers to Dean's wrist, relieved when he felt a pulse. He then searched the motel for the phone, finding it on the bedside table. He thought for a moment, and recalled that Dean and Sam would have called _911._

He followed the operator's instructions and started to wait patiently for the EMTs to come. _Pants. I need pants. _Castiel said, and searched around for his pants. He couldn't find them. He walked over to Dean's duffle and took a pair of his jeans from there, dressing with no emotion. He fished around to find a shirt and dealt with that, too. He almost smiled when he realised how baggy the clothes were on him. He rushed back over to the bathroom to sit with Dean and wait for the paramedics. "Dean, it's okay," he said, not sure if he was assuring Dean or himself.

"I know you can't hear me," Castiel sighed. "But I wish you could. Because I need you to know that I love you. I love you more than anything, Dean. And I want you to be all right. I love you, Dean."

X

Castiel had been sitting in the waiting room for three hours, waiting for any kind of news on Dean. People came and went, but still nothing. He crossed his right leg over his left leg, and put both elbows on it, putting his head in his hands.

_What if he's dead? What if they didn't get him in time? _He allowed a few tears to escape and sniffled. _I failed. I was supposed to protect Dean. Supposed to help him. Now I just let him slip through my fingers. I'm so stupid. _He sighed and looked up, and saw that Dean's doctor was standing in front of him. Castiel immediately stood up. "Is he… is he all right?"

"Yes. You can go in and see him, but he's sleeping right now."

"Thank you," Castiel said, and allowed the doctor to guide him to Dean's room. He rushed over to the chair beside Dean's bed and took a seat. He grabbed Dean's hand and rubbed his thumb on Dean's. "I'm so, so sorry, Dean," Castiel choked out.

Dean wanted so badly to open his eyes, to reach out and touch Castiel's cheek, and tell him, "it's alright, baby, it wasn't your fault, there's nothing to be sorry about." But it was a strain just breathing right now. He wanted to lift himself up, to taste Castiel's lips again. To feel the warmth of Castiel's body next to his. He struggled to open his eyes but he could only keep them open for a few seconds before the light blinded him and he had to squeeze them shut again.

"Dean?" Castiel asked. Dean groaned. "Dean, what's wrong, are you in pain?" Dean rolled his head around a little bit and tried to open his eyes again.

Castiel sighed in relief that Dean was okay, and stood up to give him a quick kiss on the forehead before sitting back down. "C's?" Dean mumbled. "'s th't y'?"

"Yeah, it's me, Dean." Castiel said, taking Dean's hand again. Dean smiled and mumbled something incoherent. "Are you okay?"

"Freakin' super," Dean whispered. "Cas, I heard you." He mumbled.

"You heard me?"

"Back at the motel," Dean said, and coughed a few times. It really freaking hurt to talk. "I heard you say you loved me. And I wanted you to know that I love you back."

Tears welled up in Castiel's eyes. He smiled and leaned over to kiss Dean.

"I love you," they said in unison. Yeah, Dean's voice was tired, scratchy and hurt, and Castiel's was choked up and practically sporting it's own smile, but it was still the most beautiful moment in both their lives.

X

Castiel and Dean sat in silence for the next four hours. Castiel was scared to leave Dean's side because he didn't want to walk away and come back to see Dean hurt or worse. He was scared to leave even for five minutes. He stared at Dean and Dean stared back. Dean mumbled a little and said, "Cas, go back to the motel, get some rest."

"I'm not leaving."

"Castiel." Dean pressed.

"Dean." Castiel showed his angel-face—no emotion whatsoever.

"Just go get some rest, I promise I'll be here when you get back." Dean pleaded.

"No." Castiel said, angrily, offended that Dean would even try to make him leave his side for more than a minute. "Not gonna happen."

"Fine, whatever," Dean rolled a bit. "I'm going to sleep."

Castiel didn't respond and he rested his arm on the bed. He bounced his leg up and down and stared at the wall.

"Castiel, dude, I can feel your leg shaking from here."

"Sorry," Castiel apologized and immediately stopped.

"C'mere," Dean said, and Castiel gave him a weird look. "Come lay down with me."

"O… kay?" Cas said and did what Dean asked. Dean snuggled into Castiel.

"You're really warm," Dean muttered with a smile. "Love you," he murmured as he dozed off.

"Love you too," Castiel whispered. "I love you too."

**TBC**

_Bury the fallen_

_And lead the blind_

_I will find the lost_

_Dead inside_

**My fastest update ever. Because I was about to kill myself for that cliffhanger. Wow, I suck. :) Thank you guys for all the amazing reviews so far, I really appreciate them. Now, I'm going to go to sleep because it's 6:27 AM and I was supposed to be asleep six hours ago. -.-**

**Reviews are _love! _**


	8. Dear Agony

**This chapter is pretty OOC and there's a few swears. I'd say Dean wouldn't be Dean without them, but it's not Dean. Happy reading!**

_Into the nothing_

_Faded and weary_

_I won't leave _

_And let you fall behind_

Sam was lost. He was in pure darkness and he couldn't see a thing or feel a thing. All he could feel was fear. He could smell his own blood mixed with sweat and dirt. He could hear his own screams for help, unheard calls. They sounded faint and distant which confused Sam.

"_DEAN!_" He called out. "Dean! Cas!"

"Tsk, tsk," someone said, approaching him from behind. Sam then realised he was in chains and handcuffs and such. "Your brother can't help you."

"Who are you?" Sam asked.

"Think, Sam," the voice said. "Think hard."

"...G-Gabriel?"

"That's one of my names, yes," Gabriel smiled.

"W-where—" Sam stopped speaking to cough up blood. "—am I?"

"Doesn't matter, there's no way out, Sammy-boy."

"Only Dean can call me Sammy." Sam snarled.

"Ooh, tough, _Sam,_ because you're never going to see Dean's face again. It's just me and you down here."

"'Down here?' Where _are _we, you son of a bitch?" Sam's weak and shaky voice spewed venom. Then something clicked. "Are... are we in Hell?"

Gabriel smiled, showing his teeth. He nodded and then looked over to Sam's left. A woman walked into the room and Gabriel grabbed her by the waist and took her into a chokehold.

"Who the hell is— _mom_?"

"Sam." She smiled weakly.

"Mom, what're you- why are you here?" Sam asked.

Mary just smiled. She walked over to Sam, took his face in her hands and ran her fingers through his hair. She placed a kiss on his forehead and Gabriel linked his arm through Mary's elbows and used his other arm to stab a knife through her gut. Sam screamed, and Mary fell to the ground.

"You son of a _bitch!_" Sam screamed and thrashed about. "Let me go. Let me _go, _goddamnit!"

"No, I'm just getting started." Gabriel said and pulled the knife out of Mary's stomach and walked over to Sam. "I'm just getting started."

X

"Cas," Dean said raspily. "Cas. Castiel!"

"Mmph," Castiel said and opened his eyes. "What?"

"Morning," Dean smiled. Castiel sighed and got off of Dean's bed so Dean could lie down properly. "Baby," Dean protested at the sudden loss of warmth.

Castiel smiled and kissed Dean's forehead. "Do you want me to get you something to eat? I don't think the hospital's food will taste very good. Well, I _know _it won't. Do you want a cheeseburger?"

"Castiel," Dean said and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Yes?"

"I love you." Dean smiled. "C'mere," he gestured for Castiel to lean down.

Castiel did so and Dean kissed him. Castiel enjoyed the kiss for a minute before parting.

Dean sighed. Now that there was no-one to talk to, he was really bored. And his head was pounding like a bitch.

"Good morning, sweetheart," the nurse said as she strode into Dean's room. "Do you need anything?"

Dean looked around for a minute, to see if he did. "Painkillers," he almost whispered. "Ones that won't make me fall asleep."

The nurse smiled. "Sure, honey, I'll be right back with some."

Dean sat in silence waiting for the nurse with his pills and Castiel with his burger. The nurse showed up first, with a bottle of water and a little cup with pills in it for Dean.

"The doctor told me to give these to you too," She smiled and handed him the cup.

"Thanks," Dean mumbled, and under his breath, "_Christo,_" just to be sure.

"Pardon?" She asked. He shook his head and she smiled. "Okay, I'll go now. If you need anything, press the call button!" _She was way too bubbly for her job,_ Dean thought when the nurse left.

He stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before Sam suddenly crossed his mind. Dean thought about his brother's smile and how much he missed seeing it. A tear fell from his eye down his face. Followed by another, and another. After a while, he was just bawling. He could not stop the tears from streaming down his face. He tried to inhale, and his breath was shaky and broken.

"Dean?" Castiel entered the room, a bag of food in his hands.

"Castiel," Dean breathed and took another shaky breath. "I missed you, Cas," he admitted.

"Dean, what's wrong?" Castiel almost ran up to Dean's side.

"I... I miss Sammy," Dean sobbed. Castiel ran a hand through Dean's hair. Dean looked up at him with sad, broken eyes. "I really miss him. I haven't been without him for this long, ever."

Castiel didn't say anything, he just sat on the edge of Dean's bed and stroked his arm.

"Castiel," Dean said. "I'm not going to lie, I feel like dying right now. I just wanna lay down and die."

"No." Castiel protested. "No, you can't die, Dean."

"I want to, though," Dean said. "I'm not saying I'm going to. I can't leave you. I love you way too much, Cas."

Castiel let a small, unnoticed tear escape and he brushed Dean's hair out of his face. Dean smiled, and said, "Burger?"

"Here," Cas said and threw the bag to Dean. "Extra onions." Dean smiled and unwrapped the burger speedily. He bit into the burger like he hadn't eaten in four weeks. Castiel just smiled and watched him.

Dean smiled hastily and chewed. Castiel stared at Dean's lips and stood up. "Hm?" Dean wondered.

Castiel planted his lips on Dean's, not caring that Dean's mouth was full. He pulled away. "I love you. So much."

"I love you too," Dean said around the food he still hadn't swallowed.

"I'll be right back." Castiel straightened.

"Where ya goin'?" Dean swallowed and asked.

"Bathroom, wanna come?" Castiel joked. Dean smiled and wiggled his eyebrows, and Castiel just scoffed. Cas walked out of the room, and walked up to the front desk.

X

"Gabriel, please," Sam begged. "Please, stop this. Please!"

"Quit your whining, bitch." Gabe scoffed and sliced into Sam's arm again.

"Gnnghh!" Sam screamed. "Please, Gabriel, why are you doing this?"

"I will do whatever it takes to get you to crack, Sam. I want this to be over. I want things to go back to normal. The war to be done."

"You won't win."

"You'd be amazed." Gabriel sliced into Sam's thigh, cutting at least three inches through. Sam looked at his thigh and saw the gash.

"Please," he begged. "Please."

Gabriel untied Sam's hands, and unlocked the cuffs. He unlocked the chains on Sam's feet and Sam just lie there on the board Gabriel had him tied to. "Thank you," Sam almost whispered, until he saw the look of pure evil in the archangel's eyes.

"I want you to take your clothes off, Sammy."

X

Dean kicked his shoes off and almost lost his balance.

"Take it easy, Dean," Castiel said. "It took a lot of begging for them to let me check you out early. I don't want to have to bring you back there again." Dean rolled his eyes and walked over to the bed.

"Why did you call the hospital, anyways? I would have been fine."

"You were barely breathing, Dean."

"Good. I want to die."

"You fucking _listen,_" Castiel said, and walked over to Dean, grabbing him by the collar. "You do not deserve to die. You did nothing to deserve it. You were the one righteous man in Hell. That means something, Dean. You were the one to get _saved. _The only one. No one has ever made it out of the pit before Demonhood. You are lucky as it gets, Dean. So you need to suck it up, and stop being such a sucky bitch about everything."

"I don't care if I deserve it or not. I fucking _want _to die. Okay? _Want._ Not need."

"Go to hell!" Castiel screamed.

"That's what I want!" Dean yelled back.

Castiel responded by punching Dean in the face. "Shut up. Just shut the hell up." Dean punched him back. Dean grabbed Castiel's hair and tugged as hard as he could.

"Screw you, Castiel!" Dean yelled. They continued punching and pulling and grabbing and kicking.

Someone knocked on the door but they kept on fighting. Castiel sunk his teeth into Dean's arm and Dean punched Cas in the face again. The knocks got louder and louder until the person finally opened the door.

Neither Dean nor Castiel paid attention to the unwanted visitor until they pulled Castiel off of Dean by his collar. They threw Castiel across the room and then went to Dean. Two fingers to the forehead and he was out cold.

"Anna." Castiel said.

"Castiel, we need to talk."

"No. Get the fuck out. _Now._" Castiel snapped.

Anna sighed. "As you wish. But, I have information on Sam Winchester."

"Like?"

"His exact location." Her flaming red hair danced around her face when she shook her head a little to get the hair out.

"Where is he?" Castiel asked.

"I never said I'd tell you," she smiled.

Castiel growled, lifted his leg and kicked her right into the wall four feet away. "_Where is Sam Winchester?_"

Anna gave him a piece of paper and disappeared.

"Wow, that is annoying." Castiel smiled. He rushed over to Dean and shook him. "Dean?" Dean opened his eyes.

"Screw you." Dean spit out blood.

"Dean, I'm... I'm sorry." Castiel said and helped Dean stand up. "I'm really sorry for everything I said. I love you more than anything, and I just freaked out. I can't lose you, Dean, I love you." Castiel tried to lay his lips on Dean's, but Dean turned away.

"No, that won't cut it Castiel. Screw you."

"Fine. Screw you right back. I'm leaving."

"Leaving?"

"You. I'm leaving you. Anything we had is done."

"Fine." Dean said. Castiel stormed up to the front door and slammed it behind him when he left.

Dean immediately broke down, crying. _I'm so stupid, _he thought. _I always lose everyone I love. They either die or I push them away. I'm so fucking stupid. _

Castiel stood outside the motel room. Where was he supposed to go? What was he supposed to do? What was he going to do without Dean? He started crying. He was lost. He wanted everything just to open that door, and take Dean in his arms again.

Dean grabbed Ruby's knife and quickly slashed three horizontal gashes onto his left arm.

"I fucking hope I die." Dean whispered to no one in particular.

Castiel suddenly got a horrible feeling in his gut. He ignored it for about twenty minutes until it got so bad that he turned right around and barged into the motel room, where Dean was kneeling on the ground, holding his bloody wrists.

**TBC**

_Live for the dying_

_Heaven hear me_

_I know we can make it_

_Out alive_

**I cracked, guys. I promised myself I would not write during my vacation. I wrote. XD **

**I guess I just missed this story a lot. I already have chapter nine planned out and I'm about to start writing it... I mean why not, I've got a five hour drive ahead of me!**

**Oh, and while I was camping, I kinda got eaten by a wendigo -.- **

**Reviews are love!**


	9. Leave Me Alone

_Leave me at the bottom_

_I am lost forever_

_Letters from the dead_

_Say goodbye_

"Gabriel, please rethink this. You're... you're not really going to _rape_ me, are you?" Sam asked, voice shaking with fear.

"I said take your clothes off, damn it! I'm not waiting all day."

Sam's eyes widened in fear as he complied to Gabriel's orders.

X

"Dean?" Castiel kneeled beside Dean.

"What?" Dean barked.

"Are you... what the hell, Dean?" Castiel fumbled and picked Dean's arm up, examining the cuts.

"I told you, I want to die." Dean snapped.

"Not on my watch. Get yourself cleaned up, now. That's an order." Castiel said sternly, looking right into Dean's eyes with a death glare.

"I don't follow orders from you." Dean's venomous voice spat at Castiel.

"I gave everything I had for you. So you listen to me now. Get yourself cleaned up, unless you want me to do it for you while you sit there like a two year old." Cas snapped back.

Dean didn't respond, he just stood and did what he was told.

X

"Gabriel, please," Sam cried. "Stop. Please."

Gabriel scoffed. "I will not stop," he said. "It will never stop. This is Hell, Sam, and I'm the only one here." Gabriel noticed that Sam flinched when he said Hell. "Hell," he whispered in Sam's ear.

"Please, Gabriel, pl—mmph!" Gabriel had gagged him.

"Shut up."

X

Castiel practically dragged Dean by the collar over to the bed. He dropped him onto it. "Give me your keys."

"Screw you."

Castiel got right next to Dean's face. He grabbed Dean by the hair, tilted his head up so dean was looking him in the eye. "Keys. Now."

"Why?" Dean gulped.

"I have a lead on where your brother may or may not be. And I can't fly anymore." Castiel held his hand out, demanding the keys silently.

"Why not?"

"Being sick made me weak. Keys." Castiel was getting really angry with Dean now.

"I'm going with you." Dean pressed.

"No, you're not."

"He's my brother, Cas." Dean pleaded softly.

"Yes, and _my _brother is alive too. And a helluva lot more powerful than you. He could kill you in three seconds." Castiel's voice cracked at the thought of losing Dean.

"Exactly why I want to go!" Dean stood up. "I can't let you get hurt. I can't let Sammy get hurt."

Castiel sighed. "Fine. But I'm driving."

Dean hesitantly agreed. "Okay."

X

"I swear, sometimes, Sammy, you're just too easy to get to!" Gabriel smiled as he untied the gag.

"Fuck you." Sam said. "My brother's going to kill you when he gets here."

"Your brother's not coming. Angel-boy can't find you, remember? And Dean's too stupid to find you on his own."

"My brother is not stupid!" Sam raged. "He will find me."

Dean watched from the window as Gabriel circled Sam, talking to him and Sam angrily yelling back, thrashing against the chains. "Don't worry, Sammy, we'll get you out of there." Dean whispered.

X

"Dean, we can't go in, what are you doing?" Castiel whisper-yelled.

"Castiel, Gabriel's gonna kill him If we don't."

"We cannot go in half-assed. He'll kill us too. We don't even have any knifes or guns or anything." Castiel snapped.

"Look," Dean said. Gabriel was gone. Castiel whipped his head around, expecting to see Gabriel there. He didn't.

Dean grabbed the gun that he kept tucked in his belt and cocked it. "Let's go."

They kicked down the door to the old house that Gabriel was keeping Sam in. Castiel checked all the rooms and nodded to Dean. Dean kicked open the door leading to the basement and they ran down the stairs.

"Sammy?" Dean called out. "Sam!"

Castiel kept watch at the door, expecting Gabriel to show up at any second. Dean started picking the lock on Sam's chains.

"Dean..." Sam trailed off. "Thank you."

"That's what I'm here for." He said around his tears. "To take care of my pain-in-the-ass little brother."

Dean got Sam out of the chains and lifted him up by the arm. That was when he realised Sam was only wearing his shredded, bloody boxers. Castiel helped support Sam on the other side and they hurried out of the building. Castiel and Dean lowered Sam into the backseat and he shivered and shied away from the cold seats instinctively.

Dean shed his jacket and put it on Sam's oversized shoulders, and Castiel draped his trench coat over Sam's body. Sam shivered. "It's okay," Dean said, and stroked the side of Sam's face. "You're okay now. I promise."

Dean sat in the passenger seat and watched Sam with the rear-view mirror. Castiel stared at the road ahead of him and drove with caution, not daring to crash and hurt Sam more than he already was.

As soon as they got to the motel, Dean carried Sam's massive body over to the bed. He covered Sam up with the blanket and handed Castiel his trench coat back. Castiel dropped it on the table and got to work drawing sigils on the door so Gabriel couldn't get in. Dean walked over to the other bed when he saw Sam shiver again and snatched the blanket off of that one. He draped that over the first blanket and Sam snuggled into the warmth, snoring lightly.

X

Gabriel appeared back in "Hell." Where the hell was Sam? He looked around the room. Dean must've found him.

"Damn it!" Gabriel yelled.

X

"Look, Dean," Castiel approached Dean after a long silence. "I'm so, so sorry."

"I should be apologizing. I was being a major dick." Dean kicked the floor.

"It was my fault," Castiel argued.

"Are we seriously having an argument about an argument?" Dean raised an eyebrow.

Castiel chuckled. "I guess we are." Castiel looked Dean in the eyes, and Dean raised his hand to Castiel's face. He stroked his cheek with the back of his hands and then threaded his fingers in Castiel's dark hair. Castiel leaned into Dean's touch. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's waist and pulled him close. He kept one hand on Dean's waist and slid the other to his hair. Their faces were mere inches apart when Castiel whispered, "I love you."

Dean smiled and rested his head on Castiel's shoulder. He brought his lips up to Castiel's ear and whispered, "I love you too, Castiel. I love you too." They stood like that for about ten minutes, just enjoying each other's touch and presence, when Sam whispered Dean's name softly. Dean kissed Castiel's neck softly and broke the hug. "Yeah?" He said as he walked over to Sam's bed.

"D'n, it hurts." Sam whispered.

"What does?" Dean asked, stroking Sam's forehead and brushing the thick chestnut locks away.

"Everything," Sam complained.

"W-what did he do to you?" Dean asked with fearful eyes, knowing that he did not want to know what happened to his baby brother.

"He let me believe I was in Hell. He cut me and he beat me and he screamed a-and he... he got mom." Sam cried. Dean wiped away every tear that fell.

"He got mom?" Dean asked.

"Somehow, he got mom, and... and he killed her in front of me."

"Sammy, it was probably a mirage. Or some stupid angel mojo." Dean assured.

"No, she... she touched me. She touched my forehead, and she kissed me, and... I swear, just something familiar about the touch, you know? It felt like... home."

Dean allowed himself to cry a little from hearing that. He hadn't felt at home in years. The only things he had that felt like home were Sammy and Castiel. The Impala, his baby, was the only place they could ever call home. It was their four walls and roof. He loved his home, the other one he had ever had.

"And... he um..." Sam swallowed.

"He what?" Dean pressed.

"He raped me." Sam said, barely above a whisper.

"Son of a _bitch!_" Dean yelled and stood up. "I'm gonna rip his lungs out!"

"That won't do good, Dean," Castiel spoke up.

"Shut the hell up, Castiel, you know what I mean."

"Dean, let's be reasonable. He's trying to get you to crack so you will go to him, and surrender to Michael. Seeing you like that will make _me_ crack and say yes to Lucifer. It'll give Gabriel exactly what he wants. We can't fall into that trap." Sam said, struggling to speak.

Dean calmed down and thought about it for a second. "You're right, Sammy." He sat back down, and stroked his forehead again. "Get some sleep, okay?"

"M'kay." Sam said and rolled over. Dean watched Castiel as he shivered slightly and retrieved his trench coat from the table and put it on.

Twenty minutes later, when Sam was sound asleep, Dean walked over to Castiel. "Cas," he whispered. "Cas, I don't know what do to."

"C'mere," Castiel said and took Dean in his arms. He squeezed really tight.

"What am I supposed to do?"

"You heard Sam. You're supposed to do everything it takes not to fall into Gabriel's trap. I'll be there every step of the way with you. Love you." Castiel said, broken because Dean was.

"I love you, too," Dean sobbed softly. He pulled away from the hug slightly. He laid his lips on Castiel's and threaded a hand in his hair. He pulled away. "I love you so much."

Castiel kissed the bottom of Dean's neck, and Dean shivered. He laid light kisses all the way up Dean's neck until he got to Dean's mouth. Soft butterfly kisses to Dean's mouth were all it took to make Dean try to take Castiel's clothes off. "Cas," he moaned when Castiel stopped him.

"Sam," Castiel whispered and pushed Dean off of him. Dean grabbed Castiel's hand and led him out the car. They quickly climbed into the backseat. Castiel pushed Dean down so Cas was lying on top of him. Dean used his foot to slam the door shut. Castiel continued laying butterfly kisses all over Dean's neck, mouth, cheeks, nose, everywhere. Cas unbuttoned Dean's shirt and continued with the small, sweet kisses on his chest.

Dean lay there and watched in amazement. He couldn't understand how his angel was so good at foreplay and sex when Dean was Castiel's first. Castiel kissed one of Dean's soft spots on his neck again and a violent shiver ran through him, making him grab Castiel's hair. "Castiel," he moaned. "Why are you such a tease?"

"It's make-up sex. Gotta last," Cas said between kisses. "And because you love it."

"I do." Dean agreed and let Castiel tease him.

X

Sam rolled over and scoped the room for Dean or Castiel. Neither were in sight. "Must be out getting food or something," Sam said out loud. He kicked the two blankets off of him and stood up slowly. He walked over to the bathroom, when he saw Dean's car keys on the table. "What the hell?" He said out loud. He called Dean's cell, but it was on the table. He tried Castiel. It rang, and rang. Sam's mind went wild.

"H-hello?" Castiel asked, panting.

"Cas? What's wrong?"

"N-nothing. Mmph, stop it! Stop!" He giggled. "Sam, it's not a good time, can I call you back—stop!—later?"

_Oh, God. Only Castiel would answer his phone while having sex. _"Yeah, sure," Sam said.

Castiel giggled again and then hung up. Sam still didn't know where Dean was.

_W-what if he's with Castiel?_ Sam shook his head. Dean would never.

Or would he?

X

"Dean," Castiel mumbled. "Sam's wondering where we are. We should go back into the motel r—Dean!" Castiel suddenly screamed when Dean playfully bit his neck.

"But I'm having fun," Dean moaned. Castiel smiled and lunged at Dean's lips again.

They heard a knock on the window and immediately turned their heads. Cas laughed when they realised they couldn't see out the window because it was fogged up. He stumbled to wrap his trench coat around his body and stepped out of the car quickly.

"Anna, I thought I told you to leave me alone?" Castiel struggled to remain calm even though all he wanted was to jump back in the car and get back to what he was doing.

"It's not safe here. You and Sam and Dean need to leave as soon as possible." Anna said and disappeared.

Castiel sighed and got back in the car. He shut the door behind him and straddled Dean's hips, kissing his neck. "We need to leave. It's for Sam's safety."

"Five more minutes?" Dean asked. Castiel smiled and went back to contentedly kissing him.

**TBC**

_Sorrow falls upon us_

_This will be the last time_

_Days begin to end_

_But I'll get by_

**CHAPTER NINE FTW. I'm just saying, This is my favourite chapter for some... odd reason. My keyboard is in French. So I'm angry. Short sentences. Are good for your health. I think this is my longest chapter (I could be wrong.) **

**Reviews are love!**


	10. God Let Me Go

_Follow the hopeless_

_And shut your eyes_

_All will be abandoned_

_None will shine_

Dean and Castiel snuck into the motel room, relieved that Sammy was sleeping so they didn't have to explain themselves. They walked into the bathroom together and quickly and quietly showered. They just hoped the sound of water wouldn't wake Sam up.

Dean walked out, grabbing enough clothes to work on both of them. He handed Castiel a green T-shirt and a pair of jeans, and Castiel quickly dressed. Dean watched him for a minute with hungry eyes but got dressed too. Dean opened the bathroom door and exited while Castiel was still partially struggling with the zipper on his jeans. Dean chuckled and watched as Castiel finally got them, only to see that the jeans were a bit big.

Dean laughed and walked over to Sam's bed, grabbing him clothes from his duffle. "Sam," Dean whispered. "Sammy, wake up. Time to go."

"Mmph, five more minutes," he tried to roll over.

"Come on, Sam," Dean said sternly. "You can sleep in the car."

Sam mumbled incoherently and stood up, accepting the clothes from Dean and dressing in the middle of the room. Dean smiled and walked back over to Castiel. He grabbed him by the waist and pulled him close, planting a kiss on his lips. Castiel moved his hands to Dean's waist and enjoyed the kiss.

"Wait... you two?" Sam asked. Dean just smiled and began kissing Castiel again. "Seriously. Wow. Um..." He looked around the room then walked past them, into the bathroom.

"Dean," he heard Cas say. "Dean, leave my button alone. Dean!" Castiel giggled. Castiel fucking _giggled._ Sam rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Dean! Dean, stop. _Stop._"

"Cas," Dean mumbled, "please."

Sam heard Castiel giggle. Again. He put his head in his hands. "For God's sake, an angel, Dean?" Sam mumbled.

Castiel kissed Dean again but swatted his hand away from the button on his jeans. "Dean, stop trying to take my damn pants off!"

"I'm sorry, okay?" Dean said, and kissed Castiel softly, his hands around his shoulders this time. Castiel sighed and pulled away, lowering himself onto the bed. He allowed his eyes to slip closed and thought.

"Cas," Dean said and threw something at him. Castiel opened his eyes and saw a notepad on his stomach. "Time to go."

They all climbed into the Impala, Sam in the backseat almost immediately asleep, Dean driving and Cas in the passenger seat, leaning against the window. Dean and Castiel exchanged a glance when they realized that Sam was sleeping in the backseat, where they had just had sex. They laughed for a few minutes, and it seemed to get even funnier every time they stopped laughing. Finally, they realized that they had awoken Sam with their laughter.

"What's so funny?" Sam asked. They just started laughing again. "Dude!" Sam said.

Castiel doubled over, and Dean pulled the car over because he was just laughing way too hard to drive right now. "I don't even know why it's so funny," Dean said between laughs. "It just is!"

"What is!" Sam started to get angry.

"Agh!" Castiel laughed. "I swear."

"What?" Dean asked. Castiel whispered something in his ear and that just made Dean laugh even harder. "I think I'm gonna piss myself, dude, this... this is fucking hilarious. Actually, it's not." Dean pulled a straight face, but bursted out in laughter again.

"Are you drunk?" Sam asked. "Cuz I'll drive."

"We're not drunk. I just... yeah, I think you should drive." Dean laughed. Sam sighed and got out of the car, as did Dean and Castiel. Cas and Dean slid in the car at the same time, closing the doors in unison, which made them laugh even harder.

"They're drunk," Sam told himself.

"Should we tell him?" Castiel asked.

Dean shrugged his shoulders. "All yours."

"No, you." Castiel blushed.

"You." Dean punched Castiel's shoulder.

"You!" Castiel smiled and kissed Dean lightly.

"You two are fighting like teenagers. Stop. What are you telling me?" Sam pressed.

Dean and Castiel looked at each other with the same goofy, surprised look on their face and they both started laughing again. Sam sighed and sped up.

"Sam," Castiel said in his flat, 'Castiel' voice. "Me and Dean... we had sex in the backseat and you were sleeping back here." Cas ended up finishing the sentence with laughter.

"Dear God," Sam whispered. Dean and Castiel started laughing again. After five minutes of Dean and Castiel laughing, they suddenly just stopped. Sam was grateful for that. Until he looked in the rear-view mirror and realized he couldn't see them. "What the hell?" He whispered. He looked in the backseat and sure enough, they were both lying down, trying to eat each others faces off. Sam scoffed. "Guys, not when I'm in the car, please?" They stopped and Dean sat up. Castiel did not. Dean smiled when he saw that Castiel was just tired and trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in. Dean helped Castiel adjust and Cas smiled. He closed his eyes and let his mind wander off until he was snoring. Dean leaned his head against the window, slightly smiling at the way Castiel was laying, with his head in Dean's lap, arms snuggling his right leg, his left hand dangerously close to the zipper on his jeans. It made him smile with dirty thoughts in his mind. Castiel had his left foot hanging off the seat and his right foot almost on the window. Dean thought that it looked awfully uncomfortable, but Castiel seemed content and comfy so he didn't press the issue. Soon enough, Dean was dozing off, too.

X

"Dean," Sam said, reaching back to shake his brother's shoulder without breaking his gaze from the road. "Dean!"

"Hm?" Dean murmured.

"Where are we going, exactly?" Sam questioned.

Dean thought for a minute before answering, then said, "Buffalo, New York."

"Why?" Sam raised an eyebrow.

"I want to." Dean's head hit the window again.

"Is there a case there?"

"Screw hunting, we deserve a break." Dean said and fell back asleep. Sam sighed and continued driving.

"Buffalo it is." Sam mumbled to the wheel.

X

"Yo, Sam," Dean called over the seat. "Where are we?"

"Pontiac, Illinois." Sam replied.

"Can we stop soon? I'm starving and Cas has to go to the bathroom." Castiel blushed and shifted in his seat.

"Yeah, car needs gas too. I'll pull in at the next gas station, kay?"

"Okay." Dean said and turned to Castiel. "Sleep well?"

"No, not entirely. I was cold and bent really weird, and my leg hurts now." Castiel shifted again.

"Poor baby," Dean said with a smile.

Castiel hiccupped. This caused Dean to start laughing again. "Why is everything so funny today?" Dean asked to no one. Castiel hiccupped again and laughed.

"I- I don't know!" Castiel said and shifted in his seat again. He groaned and rested his head on the window.

"What's wrong, angel?" Dean asked.

"My stomach hurts, that's all."

"You going to be sick? The upholstery..." He trailed off. Castiel shook his head.

"It's really confined in here," Castiel noted, shifting again. "Not very comfortable. Sam, how much longer to the—"

"Ten minutes." Sam said, focused on the road.

Castiel sighed and jokingly put his legs over Dean. Dean smiled and played with the loose threads on Castiel's pants. Cas smiled and watched him. Castiel whipped his legs off of Dean and scooted over so he was pressed up against Dean's side. He whispered something in Dean's ear with a pained expression on his face.

"Sam, speed up a bit." Dean called. "M'hungry."

Castiel was glad Dean didn't say anything about him being on the verge of wetting his pants; he was already very embarrassed with himself. He whispered in Dean's ear again, and then softly groaned. Dean kissed Castiel's cheek and whispered back, "We're almost there baby."

Castiel bounced a bit and kissed Dean back. "I'm tired."

"Want to sleep?" Dean stroked Castiel's cheek softly.

"Not really," Castiel said. He craned his neck to look at the road and sighed, looking at Dean with puppy-dog eyes. Dean smiled apologetically and put his arm around Castiel's shoulders, hugging him close. Castiel plugged his nose and Dean looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Trying not to sneeze," Castiel explained with watery eyes. Dean smiled and whispered something in Castiel's ear, and Cas shivered.

"What?" Dean pulled away from him with concern.

"You scared me." Castiel chuckled. Sam turned and the car was soon gliding along a curved path. They hit three bumps which scared Castiel and Dean both, and they laughed at each other's expressions. Dean kissed Castiel and Sam pulled into the gas station, parking the car in front of a pump. Castiel was out of the car before Sam could turn the engine off. Dean jogged after Castiel, chuckling at how ridiculous he was being, but hey. _Can't blame him, it was a long car ride._Dean thought to himself. He went inside the small store and grabbed a few bags of chips, a handful of chocolate bars and a bottle of Pepsi, 7-UP and Dr. Pepper. He walked up to the counter, paid for the food and gas, and headed back to the car, where Castiel was waiting with a sheepish look on his face. Dean smiled and threw the Pepsi at him.

Castiel failed to catch it and it hit his stomach, landing on his lap. "Thanks," Cas coughed. Dean tossed the Dr. Pepper up into the front seat, along with a bag of chips and two chocolate bars. He closed the car door and unwrapped a Kit-Kat bar. He bit into it greedily, not caring that it was slightly melted.

Castiel just looked away, not wanting to eat or think about food right now. Sam opened the door and plopped into his seat, grabbing the bag of chips and opening it, bitching about high salt levels. Dean reached over the seat, put his hand in the bag and took one, throwing it at Sam. "Shut up."

Castiel groaned. "Cas, you okay?" Castiel nodded his head.

"I'm just tired." He tried to find a comfortable position but failed, so he just sat with his feet on the seat, leaning heavily on Dean. "Can you get the chocolate away from my face?"

"Are you feeling sick?" Dean asked while moving the chocolate bar to his other hand, resting his elbow on the rolled down window.

Castiel nodded his head and closed his eyes. "Nothing a nap can't fix," Castiel mumbled. Dean smiled and allowed Castiel to sleep. He took the last bite of his chocolate bar and went to throw it in the back seat when he realized that's where he was. He tossed it on the floor in front of him and looked out the window. Castiel shifted in his sleep and moaned. Dean ran his fingers through Castiel's hair soothingly. Castiel moaned again.

"You okay?" Dean asked Castiel.

"No."

"Step one: Admitting you have a problem. What's wrong?" Dean said with a half-smile.

"My stomach..." Castiel trailed off and winced.

"Are you gonna be sick?" Dean asked again.

"No."

"I'm just worried about my car..." Dean said softly.

"I'll tell you if I am." Castiel winced again.

"Castiel, do you need me to pull over?" Sam asked with a concerned look on his face.

"No!" Castiel yelled. "I'm fine! Keep driving!"

"Jesus, Castiel, are you on your period?" Dean asked him.

Castiel growled. "No."

"That was rhetorical. You know what, take a nap, you need it." Dean snapped.

"Fine." Cas snapped back. He leaned his head against the window across from Dean and tried to fall asleep to no avail. Dean watched Castiel try to get into a comfortable position and fail.

"C'mere," Dean said, and held his arm out to Cas. Castiel ignored him, so Dean grabbed Castiel's shoulders and pulled him closer. Castiel gave in and leaned into Dean's touch, finding comfort easily. Dean placed a chaste kiss to the top of Castiel's forehead, and for a moment, everything was finally right.

X

Sam looked in the rear-view mirror and saw Castiel and Dean cuddled close together, sleeping contentedly. Sam smiled and looked back to the road when he saw Anna in the passenger seat. He tried his hardest not to swerve the car. "Jesus Christ, Anna!" He whisper-yelled. "What do you want?"

Sam pulled over when he saw the angry fire burning behind her eyes. He opened the door as quietly as he could and circled around the car, where Anna was already standing. _Stupid wings, _Sam thought.

"They are actually quite convenient," Anna said. Sam snorted.

"What do you want?" Sam yelled.

"Castiel." Anna pressed. "We need him back in the garrison. We are getting weak."

"Well, too bad, because he's not leaving."

Anna punched Sam in the face, knocking him to the ground. She put her foot on his stomach, pinning him down. "Listen, you low-life scum. You are going to hand him over, or die." Dean whipped open the door to the Impala, knocking Anna off of Sam. Dean set the snoring angel down so he didn't get knocked out of the car.

"Get the hell away from my brother, you bitch." Dean said, closing the door. "Now."

"No." She said.

"Get away from him." Dean said. "Get away from me, Castiel and Sam. Now."

Anna sighed and vanished. Dean opened the car door and shook Castiel. "Cas, wake up."

"Hrm?" Cas mumbled. "What's going on?" Dean laughed at Castiel's insanely disheveled hair and tired eyes.

"Nothing, I just thought you'd want to get comfortable again. We stopped to stretch," Dean lied. Castiel smiled and snuggled back onto Dean, enjoying his embrace. Castiel loved the way he felt at home in Dean's arms, no matter how much they fought. Dean was always there. He was home. His Dean.

His home.

**TBC**

_Gather the broken _

_And leave this life_

_Lying in the earth_

_Side by side_

**Triple chapter dose today. I really hate this one. It had no point. It is a bonus chapter. I'm going to work on chapter 11 and see if I can make it as dark as I can. Thank you guys so much for reading! :D **

**Reviews keep me running, and I'm suffering from a sugar-high crash. **


	11. I'm Blue And Cold

_Into the nothing_

_Faded and weary_

_I won't leave_

_And let you fall behind_

"Cas?" Dean shook Castiel's shoulders. "Cas, wake up."

"What?" Castiel mumbled and opened his eyes.

"I'm sorry, would you like me to carry you inside?" Dean smirked. Castiel smiled. Dean took Cas's arm and dragged him out of the car.

"Mmph," Castiel protested, and stood up, eyes almost closing. He stumbled and Dean put his arm around Castiel's shoulders. Castiel enjoyed Dean's touch for a minute before getting a hold on himself and starting to walk towards the motel room with Dean.

Dean dropped Castiel on the bed when they got in the room, because Cas was just leaning way too heavily on him to stand up. Castiel glared at Dean and stood up again. "I'm not three," he snapped, and hit Dean's arm forcefully.

"Cas, can I talk to you for a minute?" Dean asked, staring at Sam. Sam sighed and walked into the bathroom, and Dean grabbed Castiel's collar. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What do you mean?" Castiel asked; confusion in his voice but anger in his eyes.

"Why are you so bitchy?" Dean asked. "You've just become a total dick in the last couple of days."

"I can act how I want, Dean." Castiel said and shoved Dean away. "You do not need to guide me."

"Fine, then get the fuck out." Dean replied curtly and removed his grasp from Castiel's collar.

"Fine, don't come running to me when you screw up again, Dean."

"Screw up _again?_" Dean raised an eyebrow.

"You started the damn apocalypse, Dean! You, and your damn anti-Christ brother." Castiel's words leaked venom and hate.

"That's it." Dean mumbled and punched Castiel square in the jaw. The force was enough to knock Castiel back a few feet. Castiel stumbled in shock and tried to regain his balance, but failed. He fell backwards and Dean approached him again, picking him up by the collar.

"I was just speaking the truth," Castiel whispered. Dean ignored him and punched him in the side of the head. Castiel tried to fight back but Dean dropped him back on the ground, kicking him forcefully after. Castiel scrambled to stand up and Dean let him, raising his fist to punch Castiel again. He was stopped when he felt large, warm hands holding his arm back.

"Dean." Sam warned him. Dean freed himself from Sam's grasp and went back to punching Castiel. "_Guys! Stop!_" Sam yelled. They both ignored him.

Dean kicked Castiel in the stomach and Castiel bent over, wind knocked out of him. Dean took this opportunity to punch Cas again, and Castiel straightened and starting hitting back.

"Get off!" Castiel yelled.

"Screw you!" Dean screamed back.

"Quit it!"

"No, you!"

Dean tackled Castiel with incredible force and they both landed on the ground, punching and kicking. Sam sighed and wrapped his arms around Dean's torso, pulling him off of Castiel. He set him upright and told him sternly, _Stop._ Dean ignored him and tried running back to Castiel, but Sam wouldn't have it. Sam kept a firm grasp on Dean, who growled at him.

"Get off of me." Dean snapped. "This is none of your business."

Castiel lie there on the floor, nose bleeding, staring at Sam with thanks. Sam nodded at Castiel and Cas stumbled to get up.

Castiel looked at Dean, hurt in his eyes, a tear forming in his left. "Goodbye, Dean."

"Cas," Dean said. "Wait." Castiel ignored him and walked out of the door. "Cas! Sam, let me go. Let me go!" He thrashed against Sam but Sam wouldn't move.

"You two need time apart."

"You don't understand. Let me go, Sam, I swear to God!" Dean yelled. "Let me go!"

Castiel sighed, and threw his back against the outside wall of the motel room. He slid down into a sitting position and put his head in his hands. He could hear Dean screaming at Sam to let him go to no avail. He could hear the pain in his voice, and all he wanted to do was go back inside and kiss him, tell him it was okay, he wasn't leaving, that he loved him.

"Castiel!" Cas heard Dean call out. Castiel sobbed. It was too late to go back to him now.

"Dean," Castiel cried lightly.

"Get up."

"Anna." Castiel looked up. "It is in your best interest to leave. Now."

"It is in _your _best interest to get up." Anna said and grabbed Castiel's arm, pulling him up.

"What do you want?" Anna didn't reply as she put a hand to Castiel's chest.

"Gngh!" Castiel protested. "What the hell?"

"You need to stay hidden from the angels." Anna replied. "And this is for being a dick."

She quickly pulled out a knife from her coat pocket and sliced deep into Castiel's right thigh. Castiel screamed, and dropped to the ground, clutching his leg. Anna disappeared and Dean ran outside. "Cas!" He hurried to Castiel's side, grabbing his shoulders. "Cas, are you—" He saw the blood. "What happened?" He whispered as he examined the cut. Castiel winced when Dean touched it.

"A-Anna." Castiel breathed. He closed his eyes and put his arms around Dean's neck. "Dean…" He whispered.

"Shh, I know. Come on, let's get you inside." Dean said, and picked Castiel up, not minding his weight at all. Dean lay him down softly on the bed closest to the door and began taking Castiel's trench coat off. "Sammy, get the first aid kit from the car."

Sam agreed without a word. Dean worked on Castiel's jacket next, and got to his pants. Castiel winced when anything touched the cut on his leg, and he screamed when Dean put pressure on it, grabbing Dean's hair. "I know, baby," Dean said sympathetically.

Sam came back in the room, handing Dean the first aid kit and Dean got to work. Dean eyed the bottle of whisky Sam handed him, and said, "Do we have any rubbing alcohol?"

"Yeah, I'll go get it."

"Thanks." Dean said, and put pressure on Castiel's cut, causing him to scream again. Tears came to Castiel's eyes. "It's okay," Dean reassured Castiel. "You'll be okay."

Castiel cried out when Dean applied the rubbing alcohol to the gash and Sam eyed it. "Maybe we should bring him to a hospital?" Sam suggested. Dean looked at Castiel and Cas nodded, and then closed his eyes and scrunched his face up.

"You drive," Dean said and tossed the keys to Sam. Sam caught them and went outside to start the car. Dean helped a shivering Castiel into the trench coat and picked him up. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and nuzzled his face into Dean's shoulder. Dean got into the backseat, Castiel still hanging on to him. He closed the door and let Castiel fall asleep in his lap on the way to the hospital.

Castiel coughed when Sam drove over a bump at a high speed and woke himself up. Dean looked at him apologetically and Castiel looked at the menacing cut on his leg with anger in his eyes. It was bleeding again. Dean quickly picked up the towel that he had brought with him just in case and pressed it against Castiel's leg. Castiel cried out and sobbed a bit at the burn of the rubbing alcohol still lingering on the towel.

Dean kissed Castiel's cheek and continued to apply pressure to Castiel's wound.

X

"Anna, I thought you couldn't find me anymore?" Castiel asked.

"You're still vulnerable." Anna replied, not bothering to look at Castiel.

"I'm dreaming?" Castiel asked, noting his surroundings. He was in a hospital bed, Dean by his side, sleeping in the uncomfortable chair.

"Yes. I cut deeper than I meant to and put you in the hospital. Sorry about that."

"I'd like to wake up now, if you don't mind."

"As you wish." Anna snapped her fingers and Castiel blinked a few times.

"Dean?" He said, but Dean wasn't in the room.

"Dean's getting food," Sam said. Castiel jumped a bit. "Sorry, did I scare you?" Castiel nodded sheepishly.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, until Dean walked back into the room. "Hey, Cas, feeling better?" Castiel nodded. "You needed quite a few stitches. What happened, anyways?"

"Anna." He replied.

"That bitch," Dean said and looked like he was about to hunt her down.

"Dean, relax, she helped me. She branded my ribs, too. Sorry, by the way, it kind of hurt."

Dean laughed. "Apology accepted."

"I'll be right back," Sam said and stood up, walking out of the room giving them time alone, knowing an apology was coming next.

"Look, Cas," Dean said. "I'm really sorry. I don't know why I keep snapping at you."

"It's okay," Castiel said. "I'm sorry, too, for everything I said." Dean cupped Castiel's face and kissed him softly on the lips.

"I love you," Castiel murmured.

"What do you say we get you out of here? Find a bed, you know?"

"That'd be great." Castiel smiled.

X

Sam was sitting on the hood of the Impala, when Gabriel appeared in front of him.

"How did you find me?" Sam immediately hissed.

"Anna helped me. The more important question, how did you escape?"

"I told you," Sam pressed. "My brother is not stupid."

Gabriel sighed and slapped Sam. "Yes, he is. And you're my bitch."

"No, he's not. Get away from him, Gabriel," Anna appeared out of nowhere.

"Angels, angels everywhere?" Sam exclaimed. "I thought I was branded!"

Anna took three steps up to Gabriel, and put her hand on the side of his face. "I'm sorry, Gabriel." She said. A flash of light and Gabriel fell to the ground, dead once and for all.

Black wings on the pavement spread out from Gabe's shoulders marked the spot like a big red X.

Gabriel was finally gone, and Sam could relax for once.

"Thank you, Anna," Sam said. Anna smiled and disappeared. Sam bolted back to Castiel's room but him and Dean were nowhere in sight. "Figures," he said out loud. He turned around and walked back to the Impala, and got in. He started up the engine and made his way back to the motel. He spotted Castiel's tie on their motel room doorknob and sighed.

He drove out to a diner to look through the paper for any hunts, and enjoyed a salad.

A girl slid in the booth across from Sam. "Hey, Sammy!" She said.

There was something oddly familiar about her wavy brown hair and her smile, exposing all of her teeth.

"…S-Sarah?" Sam exclaimed. "Oh, my God!" He smiled when she nodded. They booth stood up and Sam wrapped his arms around her, almost pulling her off of the ground with the hug. She smiled again and stood up on her toes to kiss Sam. Green eyes met hazel and Sam pulled away. "How long has it been?"

"Almost five years," Sarah replied. "What are the odds, huh?"

"What are you doing in Buffalo?" Sam asked.

"I could ask the same about you, but you're probably 'just passing through' or hunting." She smiled.

Sam nodded. "Yeah, Dean randomly ordered me to go here, so I just listened. He was tending to his sick boyfriend." Sam chuckled. Sarah raised her eyebrow and Sam gave her a dismissive, _you-don't-want-to-know _look. "You didn't answer my question."

"Oh, well, my father, he um, he passed away about six months after you guys left, so I thought I'd move away, start a new life, you know?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Sam said.

"It's not your fault," Sarah dismissed it with a laugh. "Wow. Sam Winchester. You are like, the last person I ever expected to see again."

"I take offence to that," Sam grabbed his heart with a hurt look on his face. Sarah laughed. They stared at each other for a long time when Sam suddenly stood up, tossing money onto the table. He grabbed his laptop and stuffed it into it's bag, and Sarah stood up after him.

"Where are you going?" She asked with a hurt look on her face. "We only just sta—mmph!" She was cut off when Sam pressed his lips to hers. "Oh."

"I'm not going, we are." He said with a smile.

"Do you have candy?" Sarah asked, and followed Sam outside.

"Blake!" A girl called after Sarah, and Sarah whipped around. "Where ya go—oh, I see. Carry on," the blonde said with a smile, her blue eyes glowing.

Sam snickered and led Sarah to Dean's car. He opened the passenger door and closed it after her, walking around the car. He sat in the driver's seat and started the engine, driving to the motel they were staying at, getting another room seeing the tie _still _on the door.

They quickly made their way into the room, slamming the door shut behind them.

Sarah mumbled, "I've been waiting a long time for this, Sam," and kissed his neck. Sam took Sarah's shirt off of her, and Sarah unbuttoned Sam's without breaking the kiss. Sam and Sarah dropped onto the bed, hands in each other's hair, lips still locked.

"Sam," Sarah whispered in his ear. "I think I love you."

Sam whispered back, "Well then I think I might just have to love you too."

**TBC**

_Live for the dying_

_Heaven hear me _

_I know we can make it_

_Out alive_

**SARAH! I'm sorry, guys, but it had to be done. I love her. So much. **

**Reviews are love!**


	12. Black Sky Will Burn

_I'll keep you in sight_

_Where I lead _

_You cannot follow_

_Straight into the night_

_As my breath grows still and shallow_

Castiel was ready to slap Dean in the face. He and Dean got in arguments about stupid stuff all the time, but _seriously, _Dean has to argue about who loves who more like a flipping fifteen year old?

"I'm not in the mood for this!" Castiel snapped, and dropped onto the bed.

"Whatever," Dean yelled back, and grabbed his jacket.

"Where are you going now?" Castiel asked.

"Out." Dean replied and made sure to slam the door behind him.

X

Once Dean was fairly drunk, a girl approached him. "Hey, honey," she said and smiled.

"I'm with someone." Dean instantly replied.

"They'll never know if it's just one night…" She put her hand on his thigh and started moving it upwards. Dean tensed. "I'm Michelle."

"M…Mark."

"What do you say we find somewhere more private?"

Dean smiled and agreed, finishing off his beer, temporarily forgetting about Castiel. "I've-I've got a motel room."

"Oh, you're not from around? Perfect." Michelle smiled.

Dean grinned back and showed her into his car. He drove back to the motel and parked close to his room.

X

Castiel walked alongside the road, not knowing exactly where he was going. He spotted a lake and walked towards it. He sighed and rested both arms on the concrete barrier, crossing them. He stared out into the dark water and thought. He thought about Dean, the fast-approaching apocalypse, Sam.

He knew Sam was going to give in to Lucifer. He just didn't know if Dean would give in to Michael. He doubted it, because Dean was a stubborn-ass.

"Castiel," a voice said from behind him.

"How many times have I told you to- how did you find me?" Castiel turned around, glaring at Anna.

"I have my ways." She said. "You're wanted."

"In Heaven?"

"My order is to bring you up, _now._ Let's go."

"No."

Anna sighed and placed two fingers on Castiel's forehead. They were gone in a flash of light.

X

Dean woke up and rolled over, when his arm hit a warm body. "Cas?" He asked.

"Mmph?" A female voice asked.

_Oh, shit! _"Where's Castiel?" Dean mumbled.

"Who's Castiel?" She asked.

"Shit." Dean said, and sat up, head spinning. He tried to remember exactly what he had done last night. He noted that yes, he was naked, which obviously meant he had had some sort of sex.

"I think… I'm just gonna leave," the girl said, and quickly dressed. She cursed and left. Dean sighed and half-dressed, not bothering to find his shirt.

"Son of a bitch," He said to himself. "Where the hell is Sam?"

He shuffled to find his phone, when he heard three taps on the door. "Whaddup?" He called.

"It's me," Sam said from the other side. "Are you decent?"

"Come in," Dean sighed, and grabbed his jacket off the chair. He shoved his hand into the left pocket, fishing out his cell phone. He didn't look at any of his messages as he dialled Cas. No answer. He tried twice more and angrily threw his phone onto the bed. "Do you know where C- Sarah?" He did a double take when he saw her standing next to Sam, holding his hand. Sarah smiled at him. Dean grabbed his phone and flipped it open when he heard it ringing.

"Castiel?" He asked, hopefully.

"Dean, you need to get your ass over here." Bobby said to him.

"Bobby, what's going on?" Dean sat down on the bed. Sam looked at him and Dean shrugged.

"Castiel's here." He replied, and that was enough to make Dean stand up and finish putting his clothes on.

"Is he… can I talk to him?"

"He's sleeping."

"Wake him up."

"I tried." Bobby sighed. "He's really tired, Dean. Let the man rest."

"Bobby, please." Dean begged. "Last time I talked to him, we fought. And I… Can you please just wake him up?"

Bobby sighed and Dean guessed that he rolled his eyes. "Idjit. Cas, wake up. Dean wants to talk to you."

"I sure as hell don't want to talk to him." Dean heard Castiel reply, and his heart sunk. _Does he know?_ Dean shook his head.

"There's your answer."

Dean snapped his phone shut and angrily shoved it in his pocket. He put his jacket on and walked to the door.

"Dean, where the hell are you going?" Sam asked, and Sarah stared at Dean with a confused look on her face.

"To Bobby's."

X

"Cas," Dean said as soon as he saw Castiel lying down on the couch. "Castiel, are you okay? I'm so sorry," Dean grabbed Castiel's hand.

Castiel pulled his hand away. "Don't touch me. I'm fine."

"What's wrong?" Dean asked.

"Like you don't know," Castiel scoffed and turned his head away.

"What?"

"Shut up, I'm trying to sleep."

Dean looked at Sam, hurt. Sam shrugged.

"Well, you idjits gotta get him outta here. I got a demon to attend to."

"No problem, Bobby." Dean said. Dean scooped Castiel into his arms, ignoring his protests. Dean brought Castiel over to his car, and set him down, helping him into the back seat. Castiel scowled at him. Dean tripped on his way around the car, and Sam sturdied him before he hit the ground. "Thanks," Dean said, and almost tripped again. Sam held his hand out and Dean sighed, handing him the car keys.

Much to Castiel's dismay, Dean sat in the seat next to Castiel instead of slipping into the driver's seat like usual. Castiel glared at him, and gave him a look that said "Seriously?" Dean shrugged and put his head against the window. He was almost instantly asleep. Castiel glared at Dean until Sam pulled the car over to a diner.

Dean woke up, sleep still in his eyes. Sam explained where they were and Dean mumbled something incoherent, letting his head hit the window again. "Cas, you coming?" Castiel gave him a bitchface and Sam shrugged his shoulders, walking into the diner holding Sarah's hand.

"You are a serious _dick,_" Castiel said. "And I should hate you."

"What did I _do_?" Dean tried to throw his hands up, but hit the roof of the car.

"You cheated on me, Dean. I've forgiven you many times, but this; I can not forgive you for. It just shows me that you're weak and if I forgive you, you'll do it again."

"Castiel, I was drunk, I was angry at you, and I—"

"Excuses."

"Fine. Go poof off to your own invisible corner of the world. See if I care."

"I… I can't."

"What?"

Castiel took off his trench coat and suit jacket, and unbuttoned his shirt, peeling it off. He turned so his back was facing Dean. Dean saw the large gashes over Castiel's shoulder blades.

"Your wings," Dean said. "What… what happened, Castiel?"

"Anna… she found me, and she took me up to Michael. He told me that… that loving you was wrong and I could choose to be an angel and fight in the apocalypse or be a human and have my own will, but I'd never get my Grace back. He spread it in different corners of the universe; it'd take forever to get back. The forever I don't have because I will die before I can get it."

"Why did you choose… this?"

"Because, if I chose angel, I wouldn't be able to see you ever again. Wrong decision, I guess." Castiel replied, putting his shirt back on.

"How did you even find out?"

"Anna." Castiel fought against his suit jacket to get it back over his shoulders.

"And you trust anything she tells you now?" Dean raised an eyebrow.

"She showed me. She brought me back to the motel room and you were there, cuddling some girl. So I asked her to take me to Bobby."

Dean blinked. "Castiel, I'm… I'm sorry. I… I didn't mean to."

"The damage has been done, Dean. It's too late for sorry."

"Cas," Dean begged. "Please." Castiel ignored him and put his head against the window, eyes sliding shut.

Dean sighed and got out of the car. He stretched and walked into the diner, finding Sam and Sarah easily. He sat down next to Sam, who gave him a dirty look. "Sorry, Castiel is being bitchy."

"You're the one who cheated."

"How the hell does everyone know this?" Dean exclaimed. Sam shrugged and went back to his food. Dean sighed and walked back out to the car. Castiel was sitting beside it, on the ground, leaning heavily against her back door and staring at the sky. Dean sat next to Castiel and Cas glared at him.

"I thought I said I didn't like you?" Castiel said.

"I never said I didn't like you. So you're going to have to deal with it."

Castiel sighed and looked back up at the sky. Dean sniffled and Castiel looked over at him. Dean was giving him the goofiest puppy-dog face he could manage, with his bottom lip trembling. Castiel smiled and punched Dean in the shoulder.

"You can't hate me, can you?" Dean frowned, puppy-dog eyes still going.

Castiel sighed. "I don't hate you, Dean. I just don't forgive you." Dean frowned a little more and Castiel sighed again. "C'mere." Castiel pulled Dean into a hug. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel and squeezed.

"I'm really sorry, you know that?"

"I know." Castiel rested his head on Dean's shoulder contentedly. Dean kissed Castiel's head and Cas smiled. Sam and Sarah chose that moment, their beautiful moment, to walk out of the diner towards the car. Dean gave Sam a dirty look and Sam shrugged.

Castiel pulled away from Dean and got into the back seat. Dean sighed and did the same, glaring at Sam.

X

They drove for about five miles when Sam decided to put some music on. Dean rolled his eyes at Sam's bad choice in music and carried on having what he liked to call eye sex with Castiel. Castiel smiled and turned his head away from Dean, and Dean sighed, dropping himself on Castiel's side. Castiel smiled and kissed Dean on the cheek.

"Come on, man!"

"I still don't forgive you." Castiel whispered.

Dean sat up. He crossed his arms, looked Castiel in the eyes and pouted. Castiel just smiled. Sam swerved the car and Dean glared at him in the mirror.

"Sam! Careful with my car!"

"Sorry!" Sam said.

"Anna." Castiel said.

"What?" Dean asked. 

"Anna, she's coming."

"How do you k- Castiel!" Dean said when his eyes rolled back and his body fell limp onto his lap. "Cas?"

Dean checked for a pulse and sighed when he found one. "What the hell?" He said.

"Dean." Dean heard Anna's voice. He looked all around him but couldn't find her.

"What the hell?"

"Shut up. Dean… you need to be killed. Immediately."

"What? _Why?_" Dean screeched. Sarah looked at Sam with a scared expression, and Sam shrugged.

"You have a part of Castiel's Grace."

"_Excuse me_?"

"When he gave himself over to you as his lover, a part of his grace reached out and held on to your soul, and it's latched tight. For an angel, their Grace is their soul. So that literally makes him your soul mate. And well… we need that piece of Grace come the day he decides he doesn't want you anymore or you die, because he will get that bit of Grace back, and it'll be much easier to locate the rest of it. If _we _kill you, we can get our hands on the Grace and destroy it completely before he gets it back."

Dean was speechless. "I-"

"Save it. Come with us or give him to us."

"How did you find me?"

"I have my ways. You have twenty-four hours to choose, or we choose for you. And trust me, you won't like it."

Dean felt Anna's presence disappear. Castiel woke up. "What the hell?" Dean said again. "Sam, can you pull over? I… I need to talk to Cas."

Sam did as he was told.

"Castiel—she… she wants to kill me."

"What?" Castiel exclaimed.

"She said that part of your Grace is… it's attached to my soul and if I die in your hands, you can get it."

"I wouldn't do that, and she knows it!" Castiel sobbed, holding on to Dean. "I won't let it happen. I love you too much."

"I love you too, baby. But… I don't have a choice."

"Why not?" Castiel sniffled.

"Because if I don't, they'll kill you."

"Let them. I'm supposed to be dead anyways."

"What?" Dean pulled Castiel off of him, staring him in the eyes.

"Anna had orders to kill me, but she disobeyed and tore my Grace out and my wings. Now they seem more interested in you." Castiel looked at the ground.

"I'm not going to let you die, Castiel." Dean put both his hands on either of Castiel's shoulders.

"Same goes for _you,_ Dean! You are so selfish! You can't live without someone so you'd throw yourself in front of the bus for them? How do you think I'll feel without you? Ask Sam how that went! He almost went crazy without you, Dean!" Castiel pulled away from Dean's grasp.

"Well she gave me a day to make a decision or she'd make it for me. And I'm sure hers is killing us both."

"Then so be it." Castiel pressed.

"No!" Dean yelled. "No."

"Yes. You're not going to die alone, Dean. I'm always going to be there." Castiel wiped a tear away, cursing his emotions.

Dean rolled his eyes, getting back in the car. Castiel stood beside the Impala, door wide open, staring ahead of him at passing cars.

"Cas?" Dean called and Castiel jumped. "Come on."

Castiel sighed and got back in the car. Dean pulled him into a warm, loving hug and Castiel sobbed into his lover's shoulder. This time tomorrow he wouldn't have the chance to do this. He enjoyed Dean's touch, his smell, and his taste when he reached up to kiss Dean softly on the lips.

**TBC**

_Into the nothing_

_Faded and weary_

_I won't leave _

_And let you fall behind_

**I have no author's note for this chapter. Except that it took two days to write. **

**Reviews are love!**

**(They keep it pumping straight to my heart, they keep it pumping straight to my heart, lalalala, I love Kurt Cobain...)**


	13. Love Pull Me Down

_Live for the dying_

_Heaven hear me_

_I know we can make it_

_Out alive_

"Castiel," Dean shook the man awake.

"Hrm?" Castiel saw Dean's face, smiling down at him. "What?"

"Well, I've been thinking, and—"

"Uh-oh, he's been thinking," Castiel interrupted him. Dean glared. "Sorry."

"Anyways, I have an idea."

"What would that be?"

Dean smiled.

X

"This… this is crazy, Dean. It's not gonna work."

"Then I'll die trying and with a purpose."

Castiel sniffed and let three tears fall before taking Dean's face in his hands and kissing him possessively. Dean allowed a tear to fall too before shoving his tongue in Castiel's mouth. Castiel complied eagerly and they stood there like that for 10 minutes until Sam walked in.

"Am I interrupting some—Dean, no!" Sam yelled when he saw the knife on the floor in front of him, and the gun in Dean's hand. Dean pulled his face away from Castiel's, and gave him one last peck before turning to Sam.

"It's the only way." Dean took Castiel's hand in his.

"There's gotta be another- Dean, I can't lose you."

"In approximately five hours, if Dean or I don't die first, Anna will kill us both." Castiel spoke up. Dean put the gun in his shirt pocket and kissed Castiel passionately again.

Castiel picked up the knife and put it in it's case, which was nestled between his belt and jeans.

Dean grabbed his car keys and walked towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Sam asked.

"Far into the woods where nobody will hear the gun." Dean replied.

Sam frowned and pulled Dean into a hug. "You are an idiot."

"I'm doing this for Castiel. I know you'd do it for Sarah in a heartbeat."

Sam had no words.

Dean sighed and crossed the room, taking Castiel's hand in his. "Are you ready?" Castiel hesitantly nodded.

They walked to the Impala, hand in hand. Dean seemed tentative to let Castiel's hand go and Castiel felt the same. Dean quickly got into the driver's seat and Castiel slowly slid into the passenger seat, grabbing Dean's hand as soon as he closed his door.

"I love you," Castiel whispered, and leaned over to kiss him.

"I love you too, that's why I'm doing this."

"I know," Castiel sighed.

They were about ten minutes into the silent drive when Castiel started sobbing, begging Dean not to do it. "Please!" He would yell. "Don't do it, Dean, what if it doesn't work?"

"It's going to work, Castiel, I… I have faith in you. I know you can do it." Dean squeezed Castiel's hand harder.

"Oh," Dean spoke up after another ten minutes. "And just in case, you know… this doesn't work out the way we wanted it to… I want you to take care of my car. And… and Sammy. Make sure Sammy doesn't do anything stupid."

Castiel nodded, still softly sobbing. Dean squeezed Castiel's hand before turning on to a dirt road. "Ready?" Dean asked. They got out of the car and walked, hand in hand, deep in to the forest. Dean's bottom lip trembled as he handed the gun to Castiel. Cas looked at the gun, looked at Dean and then fell to his knees, sobbing.

"I can't kill you, Dean!" Castiel shrieked.

Dean dropped to his knees next to Castiel. "Give me the gun, then, I'll do it myself. You can turn your back and walk away."

"No." Castiel argued. "I won't do it." Castiel sobbed again and Dean pulled him into a hug. Dean cursed himself for what he was doing to the poor man. Castiel shakily stood up and Dean followed suit. Castiel sobbed once more before placing the gun against Dean's heart. "I- love you." He said between broken-hearted sobs.

"I love you, too," Dean sniffled. Castiel placed his lips against Dean's and threaded his fingers of his left hand through his hair. He closed his eyes tight and squeezed the trigger.

Castiel dropped the gun, pulled away from Dean's lips, and caught Dean before he fell to the ground.

Castiel watched Dean roll his eyes around weakly before they slid shut. Dean took shaky, short, pained breaths, and struggled to open his eyes again. He looked at Castiel before going completely limp, breath starting to hitch.

"It's okay, Dean," Castiel cried into his lover's bleeding chest. "I've got you."

X

Sam paced around the motel room. _Why did they make me stay behind? I should have gone with them. Oh, my God, Dean. _He fell to the floor, clutching his head in his hands. Sarah exited the bathroom, wet hair tied in a ponytail. She rushed over to Sam's side, not bothering to button her jeans like she was trying to do, walking out of the bathroom.

"Sammy?" She asked and dropped to her knees, taking Sam into her arms. "What's wrong, baby?"

"Dean—he just… He's dead by now, I know it." Sam cried. Sarah squeezed him tight and kissed his forehead. She rubbed soothing circles on his back and Sam cried softly into her shoulder.

"It's okay, Sammy," Sarah whispered. "I've got you."

X

Castiel sat on his knees, Dean in his arms, sobbing. It hadn't worked. He had just killed Dean and their plan had failed them. Castiel watched as Dean took one last, shaky breath and watched as his breathing came to a halt. Dean had no pulse.

Dean was dead.

His plan had failed him.

He was alone.

Castiel looked to Dean and saw a small light emitting from his chest. Castiel stared at it, trying to put his finger on what it was. He felt he could hear Dean's soul calling out to him and in that moment, Castiel reached his hand towards Dean's chest, placing it firmly over his wound. He felt a jolt rush up his arm and pulled away, but decided to experiment. He put his hand over Dean's scar and his other over his chest. Castiel got a sudden, violent shiver and his head tilted upwards, eyes rolling back slightly. White hot pain ran up and down his spine and he arched his back slightly.

He let out a pained scream and then the agony went away, and he fell limp on Dean's dead body. Castiel panted a few times before lifting himself up. His back felt heavier, all of a sudden. And his eyelids. How he longed to sleep right now. He fought the urge and looked behind him.

There they were. White, pure, just plain _angelic, _his beautiful, gleaming wings. They had no scars in them like they should. They were perfect, new—those of a newborn angel.

He tried stretching them out to their full length and they complied. He planted a kiss on Dean's forehead.

"Goodbye, for now, Dean." Castiel frowned and reached behind him, plucking a feather from his left wing. He moved Dean's limp right hand up to his stomach and placed the feather under his hand. "I will be back. I've got you, I always will."

Castiel flew high in to the clouds, closing his eyes. He let his wings guide him towards Grace.

X

Anna ran over to the body in the middle of the woods. There was blood, plenty of it. She slowed her pace to a steady fast walk. She crouched next to the body.

Dean Winchester. She placed her hands on his chest to retrieve the piece of Castiel's Grace, but nothing happened.

"Son of a bitch," She whispered when she saw the white feather underneath Dean's hand.

She quickly outstretched her dark wings and flew high into the sky, past the clouds and in to the Heavens.

X

"Castiel." Anna said and grabbed Castiel's shoulders, spinning him around.

"Anna."

"Nice wings. Too bad I'm going to have to _tear them _off of you." Her words leaked icy venom.

He tilted his head. "Why would you do that, Anna? All those years. Think about them."

Anna thought as she stared into Castiel's lucid blue eyes. "Well, yes, but…"

"But nothing Anna. Every day I yearned to be allowed to feel emotion. Because I wanted to feel emotion for _you._"

Anna gulped. Castiel took a step towards her and cupped her face in his hands. She saw nothing but love in his eyes, so she wrapped her hands around his waist. He pulled her forward and she nuzzled her face into his neck.

"How long I've wanted this," Castiel mumbled into her hair. She pulled away and looked into his eyes, and he leaned his face towards hers for a kiss.

Castiel pressed his lips against Anna's, then his hand to her forehead. He watched as she screamed and her eyes rolled back in her head. She was burnt almost three seconds after. Castiel kicked at the remaining pile of ashes.

"That was for Dean, you _bitch._" He scoffed and flew back to Dean, kneeling next to him. He placed his hand, once again over Dean's scar and two fingers to Dean's forehead. Dean coughed and opened his eyes.

"Castiel? Did we do it?"

Castiel smiled. "We did it, Dean." Castiel used his sleeve to wipe the blood off of Dean's face lovingly. "We did it."

Dean smiled weakly and Castiel placed a kiss to Dean's soft, sweet coppery-tasting lips.

"I love you." Dean smiled.

"Come on, let's get out of here." Castiel said and helped Dean to his feet. Castiel half-carried Dean out to the Impala, and helped him in to the passenger seat, closing the door for him.

Castiel's phone rang, and Cas picked it up. "Hello?" He asked into the receiver.

"Castiel," Sam cried into the phone. "Where are you?"

"Driving." Castiel shifted in his seat and handed the phone over to Dean. Dean looked at him with a raised eyebrow and Castiel mouthed "Sam."

"Hey, Sammy," Dean said weakly.

"Dean!" Sam called, and Dean heard clothes rustling, indicating that Sam had stood up.

"Sammy," Dean said back with a smile.

"It's Sam," Sam bitched.

"Yeah, okay, Sammy."

"So, Castiel didn't go through with the plan?"

"Er- something like that." Dean shrugged. "We'll be there in about twenty minutes, okay Sammy?"

"Alright, Dean." Dean handed the phone back to Castiel who put it in his pocket.

Dean leaned against Castiel's side.

"I love you," Dean said, placing his hand on the angel's thigh. Castiel grabbed Dean's other hand and held it tight.

"I love you too," Castiel squeezed. "And I've always got you."

**The End. **

_Stay with me, you're all I have left_

_I know we can make it out alive_

_Stay with me, you're all I have left_

_I know we can make it out alive_

**Epilogue soon!**


	14. Hate Lift Me Up

**I lied. **_**This **_**is the last chapter. **

_I feel you cold as snow_

_They say that's all we know_

_You'll come around in time_

_It's just this holy light_

"Hello?" Sam said into his phone.

"Sam, I need you to come here. _Now._" The panicked voice on the other line said.

"Who is this?" Sam asked.

"Chuck."

Sam stared at Dean, and Dean mouthed, _"Who is it?"_

"_Chuck," _Sam mouthed back.

Castiel groaned in his sleep, and Dean ran a hand through Castiel's dark hair. Castiel seemed to move towards Dean's touch and Dean stood up. He walked around the bed and lie down beside Castiel, who was still sleeping uneasily.

Dean put his arm around Castiel while Sam talked to Chuck. Castiel groaned in his sleep and then opened his eyes slightly. He stared at Dean and then snuggled into the man's chest. Dean continued running his hands through Castiel's hair until he fell asleep again. He rested his palm on Castiel's forehead and pulled it away.

"Castiel," Dean said. Cas moaned and looked at him.

"What?" He murmured.

"Dude, you're burning up."

"Hm?" Castiel raised an eyebrow.

"You have a fever." Dean clarified.

Castiel mumbled something incoherent and rolled back over. Dean smiled and started playing with Cas's hair again. Castiel moaned and kicked the covers off.

"Alright. Yep, we will. Okay. Bye." Sam said into his phone, and hit the end button with such force his thumb turned white. "So, I guess we're going to Chuck's."

"I don't like it there," Castiel mumbled. "I got blown up last time."

Sam smiled. "Well, we have to go. He's having some complications with demons."

"Why don't the archangels just zap down and safe him?"

"The demon is a minority and no threat. But Chuck said he wanted to talk to us."

"Why?"

"He has the Colt."

Dean stood up. "Who has the Colt?"

"Chuck didn't give me a name, he just told me to shag ass over there. So, I'm going."

Castiel groaned and looked at Dean.

"What's wrong?" Dean turned his attention fully to Castiel.

"There's two of you, Dean," Castiel said, and closed his eyes.

Dean kissed Castiel's forehead, and whispered, "Get some rest, babe."

Castiel agreed without words and rolled back over.

Sam sighed. "Dean, we have to go."

"Yeah, I know." He looked at Castiel, then Sam. "Um… can we let him rest for like twenty more minutes?"

"Sure," Sam said, and starting packing up his stuff. Dean played with Castiel's hair and Castiel woke up. 

"D'n…" He groaned.

"What is it? Are you okay, babe? You look sick."

"Nightmare." Castiel said. Dean kissed his forehead and stood up and Castiel stared at Dean's back longingly as Dean walked to the other side of the room, starting to pack his things. Sam and Dean had a quick exchange of words and Dean ended the conversation by handing him the car keys. "Where's Sam going?" Castiel asked weakly when Sam was gone.

"He's going to go gas up the car and pick up Sarah."

"Oh." Castiel struggled to kick the covers off, but it was no use, his legs were all tangled in them. Dean smiled and helped Castiel out of the blankets. Castiel stood up and swayed. Dean steadied him and sat him back down.

"You need rest, Castiel." Dean said and tried to coax him into lying down. Castiel slapped Dean's hands away and stood up, taking his coat, jacket and shirt off. Castiel then allowed Dean to help him sit back down. Castiel put his head in his hands and breathed slowly. Dean traced shapes into Castiel's back. Dean dragged his index finger down slowly and stopped on the small of Castiel's back, 'drawing' _Castiel _into it. Cas shivered and looked at Dean. Dean kissed him softly.

Castiel sighed and stood up slowly, stretching his limbs.

"I…" Castiel mumbled. "I don't want to go with you guys."

"Why not?" Dean asked.

"Something about Chuck… I don't know, there's just something about him. I can't exactly put my finger on what it is or why it's wrong…"

"Okay, you're staying then?" Dean said. Castiel nodded. Dean sighed and opened his mouth to say "I will too," but Castiel ran out of the room into the bathroom. "Cas?"

Castiel dropped to his knees in front of the toilet, retching violently. Dean kneeled next to him and rubbed soothing circles on his back. "Cas, you okay?" Castiel shook his head. Castiel coughed and retched again. Dean stood up to find some aspirin or Gravol for him. Sam re-entered the motel room and Dean could hear the Impala's motor running.

"You guys ready?"

"I'm not going." Dean said. "Cas is too sick to go and I'm not leaving him alone."

"Alright." Sam said. "See you."

"Don't hurt the car."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Sam smiled and closed the door softly behind him. Dean continued rooting through his bag until he found what he was looking for. Surprisingly, there was three glasses in the cupboard. Dean took one and filled it with cold water. He brought it over to Castiel.

"Cas?" Dean asked.

"Hm."

"Here," he said, and handed the water and pills to Castiel slowly. Castiel took the water and swished some in his mouth before spitting it into the toilet. Dean smiled and Castiel snatched the pills from his hand, swallowing them without the water. Dean left the room to try and find something else for Castiel to wear. Castiel stood there, motionless. Dean walked back over to him with sweatpants and a thin t-shirt. He handed them to Castiel. Castiel stared at Dean and took the clothes with a shaky hand.

Dean kissed Castiel on the cheek and put his arms around Castiel's waist, pulling him into a hug. "What's wrong, Castiel?" Castiel didn't reply. Dean ran his hands on Castiel's back—left going up towards his shoulders and right travelling downwards to the small of his back. Castiel snapped out of his daze and looked at Dean with a pained expression in his eyes.

"Castiel?" Dean asked, possessively pulling him closer. "What's wrong baby?"

"We need to get out of here," Castiel turned his head away, staring at the walls. "It's not safe."

"You need rest," Dean argued.

"Dean." Castiel warned.

"I don't have the car."

"We'll take a bus. We just need to get to the next town over. Just… out of here."

Dean glared at him.

"If I rest first, will you go?"

"Yes. What happened to your… I thought you were an angel again, Castiel?"

"I no longer required my Grace. So I ripped it out and destroyed it. That way Michael cannot get it and I cannot get it again."

"You are an idiot."

"I did it for you."

Dean didn't reply as he pulled Castiel closer, closing the space between them and kissing his lips softly and possessively. "I love you," Dean whispered as he pressed his forehead against Castiel's. Dean moved his hands slowly to Castiel's belt buckle and undid it, staring Castiel in the eyes while doing so. He pulled the belt through the loops and whipped it to the ground. Castiel smiled and Dean worked at the button of Castiel's pants. "You wear this damn suit too much," Dean whispered and Castiel shrugged. Dean worked with Castiel's pants, taking his time. Castiel moved his hands to do the same to Dean, but Dean stopped him.

"As much as I want to," Dean said. "You need rest." Dean picked up the clothes Castiel had dropped and handed them to him. Castiel scoffed at Dean and quickly got in to the sweats and ignored the shirt. Dean smiled and pulled Castiel into a kiss. Castiel smiled into it and threaded his hands into Dean's hair, moaning softly.

Dean stuck his tongue into Castiel's mouth, ignoring the foul taste. Castiel put his arms around Dean's neck and Dean smiled. Castiel moaned again and pulled away, nestling his face into Dean's neck. He left a trail of chaste kisses up it then started kissing around Dean's lips.

"You are such a tease," Dean whispered. Castiel smiled and bit Dean's bottom lip. Castiel jumped up so his legs were wrapped around Dean's waist and Dean immediately put his hands under Castiel's thighs to support him.

Dean walked over to the bed, and sat down, lips still locked to Castiel's. Castiel changed his position so he was straddling him without breaking away. Cas pushed on Dean's shoulders and Dean was shoved back into the bed, looking up at him in surprise. Castiel attacked Dean's belt buckle without a word and Dean propped himself up on his elbows to watch, a smile proudly on his lips and lust in his eyes.

X

Dean awoke with a start, and he looked at Castiel, who was unmoved by the motion. He smiled and gathered his clothes, lazily dressing and stopping after putting his jeans on.

"Hello, Dean." A voice said from behind him. Dean turned around slowly.

"Who the hell are you?"

The person pulled a gun out from his inside shirt pocket. "I heard you were looking for this?"

"You son of a bitch." Dean made a move to punch the person but the person pinned him to the floor. "Who are you?" Dean angrily whispered. "Or _what_?"

"I'm Crowley. Now sit pretty." He said, and pulled a knife out from his inner pocket, where he had drawn the gun. He punched Dean in the face four times and Dean was out cold. He took the knife and carefully cut a line through Dean's anti-possession tattoo. He held Dean's mouth open and black smoke poured from his mouth to Dean's.

X

After Crowley had dealt with the body, he put a bandage over the stupid bleeding cut and found the hunter's shirt. He put it on lazily and shook Castiel's shoulders.

"Castiel," he whispered. "Cas."

"Hrm? Oh, hey, babe," Castiel said and tried to kiss him. Crowley shook his head and moved away. "Okay. Are we leaving now?"

"Yes."

Castiel grumbled and sat up, looking around him for his pants, which Crowley handed to him.

Crowley walked out of the motel room to find Dean's piece of junk car, reaching in "his" pockets to find the keys. The car was nowhere in sight and the keys were gone too. Crowley sighed and walked back inside, where Castiel was going through Dean's duffel for a shirt.

"Honey," Crowley forced himself to say. "Where's my car?"

"Sam took it, remember?" Castiel responded without looking up. Crowley sighed impatiently and sat down. Dean's phone rang from his pocket and he sighed and fished through it until he grasped it. He flipped it open.

"Yeah?"

"Dean, the demon's gone. We're coming back, and we've got Chuck in tow. Hold tight, we'll be there in about three hours." Sam said from the other line.

"Shit." Crowley cursed and snapped the phone shut.

"What's wrong, babe?" Castiel asked, buttoning up a shirt.

"Nothing. You look really hot in my clothes," Crowley allowed Dean to speak for him. Castiel smiled and crossed the room, planting a kiss on Crowley's forehead. "Sam said he'll be here in about three hours, can't you wait?"

"I suppose." Castiel sighed. "I'll just get some rest." He lay down on the bed and kissed Crowley's cheek. "Or…"

"I think it'd be best if you got some rest." Crowley interrupted him.

"Okay." Castiel turned over and closed his eyes, and was snoring in about three minutes.

Crowley sat and waited patiently like he always did. He stared into space and didn't allow his mind to wander to anything. His mind was completely blank.

Except for the fact that Dean was thinking about doing some really dirty things to Castiel and it was very distracting to his peaceful state. He ignored it until there were three quick taps on the door. He stood up and yanked the door open, and Sam, Sarah and Chuck were standing there. Crowley smiled and moved aside so they could walk in.

"Ow!" Castiel yelled, waking up with a start.

"What is it, Cas?" Crowley let Dean take over for the time being.

Castiel pulled the necklace off of his neck, and handed it to Dean. "Dude, it's—God?"

Castiel nodded. He looked at Chuck.

"I…" Castiel said. He stood up and approached Chuck. "Father?"

Chuck sighed. "I really need to find better hiding spots. Hello, Castiel."

"Father, I…"

"Please, call me Chuck." Chuck—God—smiled.

"Well, this presents a little problem…" Crowley said.

"What?" Castiel tilted his head.

"I'll uh… bye!" Crowley said and black smoke expelled from Dean's body.

"Dean!" Castiel called and caught Dean's body before he hit the ground. "Dean?"

"How the hell did a demon possess him?" Sam asked. Sarah stood quietly, eying the situation.

"I don't know," Castiel said. He unbuttoned Dean's shirt and Sam's eyes trailed to the bandage on his chest.

"Dean!" Castiel shook Dean.

Dean coughed and struggled to look at Castiel. "Cas… hurts…"

"I know, baby. We'll get you fixed up."

Sarah looked at Chuck. "Not in my human form, no," Chuck answered Sarah's thoughts. "You should get him to a hospital. The cut is fairly deep."

"Can't you just—"

"No, _not in my human form._"

"Dean." Castiel cried as Dean slid his eyes shut. "Dean, you gotta stay awake." Castiel said, and stood up with Dean in his arms. Sam made a motion to take Dean but Castiel shook his head and held Dean closer to his chest possessively. "You drive." Castiel ordered Sam.

Sarah and Chuck quickly got into the back seat and Castiel sat in the front, Dean still in his arms. "Dean," he whispered softly. Dean rolled his head around then looked at Castiel.

The car ride was silent apart from the occasional cough from Dean. They rushed Dean into the emergency room, and doctors immediately took Dean on a stretcher. Castiel seemed reluctant to let Dean go and Dean smiled weakly at him.

"I love you," Dean mouthed.

"I love you too." Castiel mouthed back and they wheeled him out of the room.

Castiel sat down and waited, head in his hands.

Chuck and Sam sat on either side of him, Sarah next to Sam, her hand in his.

Sam put a comforting hand on Castiel's shoulder. "He's gonna be okay. Dean's strong." Sam whispered.

"Father, can't you do anything?" Castiel asked Chuck.

"I told you, my human form is too weak and my true form is too strong. Dean would die."

Castiel put his head back in his hands and let a small sob escape. Sam pulled Castiel close. "He'll be okay."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do."

Castiel closed his eyes and thought back to the day he had saved them both.

"_It's okay, Dean," Castiel had cried into Dean's chest. His breathing was still and shallow. His chest was bleeding from the bullet wound. "I've got you."_

X

Castiel awoke two hours later, realizing he had fallen asleep on Sam's arm, to Sam's _other_ arm shaking him away. He blushed and looked down.

"He is in a stable condition, he is just resting now. It's a good thing you brought him here when you did- a few more minutes might have done some damage." Castiel flinched at the thought of losing Dean. He allowed Sam to help him walk, still half-paralyzed from sleep and fear. Sam had his hand on Castiel's back, supporting him and leading him to Dean's hospital room.

Castiel ran to Dean's bed, fear and sleep gone from his actions. Sam, Chuck and Sarah stood at the door. Castiel took Dean's hand in his and hung his head. Dean looked up at Castiel.

"Hey baby," Dean said weakly.

"Dean," Castiel whispered.

"Sarah," Sam said. "Can I speak to you in the hallway for a moment?"

"Sure…"

"Why did you need to use an alias too? Don't tell me you felt left out."

"I… Uh… Okay. My dad died six months after you guys left, I told you that. After he died… I don't know, I just… Had this strange feeling. So I looked into his death and sure enough, it wasn't a heart attack, it was from the demon. It had snapped his neck then resided in his body for a while, long enough for it to heal. But when the demon left his body he just… he just dropped dead." Sarah looked at the ground. "I tried to find you guys but you sure as hell did _not _want to be found. So I started… I started hunting."

"You _what?_" Sam whisper-yelled.

"I'm sorry, Sam. Why do you think I was in Buffalo?"

"Sarah…" Sam whispered.

"I know. If you want me to stop…"

"I don't make your decisions for you. Come on," he said, and grabbed her hand. "What do you say we go and get something to eat?"

Sarah giggled. "I'd like that."

X

"Castiel." A man barged into the hospital room, reaching out two fingers to Cas.

Chuck grabbed the man's arm. "Michael, I don't think so." Chuck stared into the man's eyes.

"F—father?"

"I'm afraid so." Chuck said. "I think we need to speak, Michael."

"Father, I…"

"Save it." Chuck said. Castiel read what Chuck was about to do next and rushed to close the door, standing against it. Chuck smiled at his wayward son and raised his palm to Michael's forehead. Michael's mouth flew open and a bluish-white light emerged from his mouth, eyes and faintly from his nostrils. The man disappeared, and Chuck stood holding a strangely coloured orb.

"Father, is that Michael's Grace?" Castiel asked. Chuck nodded, and stared it down. He placed his other hand over top of it and it burst into flames. Within seconds there was nothing in Chuck's hands.

"That ends that."

"Not necessarily." Castiel said. "Lucifer walks the Earth, Father."

"I am aware, Castiel. Excuse me." Chuck said and disappeared. Castiel sighed and sat next to Dean's bedside on one of the most uncomfortable chairs ever. He took Dean's hand and played with Dean's fingers. Dean woke up and stared at Castiel.

"Did anything happen while I was sleeping?" Dean asked, noticing the lack of anyone else in the room.

"No." Castiel said. "Everything is perfect." He kissed Dean softly on the lips. "Everything is just perfect."

**The End… For real this time! **

_Deadened by the prayer all the while_

_Saddened by the waves_

_Deadened by the thought of breaking down_

_Needing—wanting out_

**Thank you all so much for reading. I'm going to work on a sequel instead of an epilogue—I can't leave this story but it's good ending right here.**


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